Llama Mamas
by Triforce90
Summary: Zelda and Impa discover about a breed of animals that are stealing slippers. But why? Are they just playing a friendly game of hide n' seek, or are they up to something else...? Zelda decides to find out. Not your average Animal versus Human fic! Now fi
1. WHERE THE FREAK ARE MY SLIPPERS?

A/N: Most of you know, there are probably MANY fics that involve animals attacking somebody or something like that. This IS one of those stories, but this is not like the rest of them. Oh no! This is probably the most STUPID and ODDEST story you can find that involves intelligent animals. Remember, as stupid as it gets, it's supposed to be corny.

Chapter 1: WHERE THE FREAK ARE MY SLIPPERS?!?!?!

It was an all too normal day at Hyrule Castle. The King's advisors, or what was left of them, were still walking around, mumbling about the death of their King. The soldiers were on duty, and Zelda was taking a lovely walk in the castle courtyard.

It was very quiet. "It's so quiet out," said Zelda, talking to herself. "So quiet, you can hear a pin drop." Then, because 1) Zelda's a scholar and 2) she's a blonde, she thought the following question: Would it be easier to hear the pin drop on the brick walkway, or would it be easier to hear it drop on the grass? Zelda had never been so confused before.

The grass . . . yes . . . grass is soft. Very soft. But the brick was hard. Or was it that, deep down inside, the brick felt bad about himself and that the grass felt good about himself. That made the grass stronger. BUT she could hear footsteps on the brick, but she all she could hear on the grass was a soft "SQUISH" noise. Is this because the grass is green and the brick is gray?

Then, that led to another question: Why is the grass green? Certainly, there had to be SOMETHING in there that made it green. Perhaps it was a complex chemical compound . . . or maybe not. Maybe the grass dyed its hair green. But then, if the grass was the hair . . . did that mean that the grass was the hair of the ground?

OF COURSE! How could she be so stupid? The grass was green because the ground wanted its hair to be green! She smiled to herself as she figured out the complex question. This "scholar" stuff was just way too easy.

Turning around to walk back inside and escape the intense heat, she wandered into another question: Why is the sun hot? Was it because there were burning gasses that powered it, made it bright, and brought heat all the way to the Earth? Or was it because the sun was very cold in space, and it was using a complex heating system to warm himself up? Indeed, another complex question solved.

As she walked inside, she heard a loud tumble from up above. While about to ask herself what the tumble was, she noticed a tall animal standing absent mindedly in the hallway. Its body looked like a horse, but it had a very long neck and nose, very big ears and was holding a slipper in its mouth. Also, it was covered with fur.

Why was it covered with fur? Was it because it was cold and that was it's natural coat, or was it the new fashion statement that she never heard about? Thinking to herself, she didn't notice the animal zip past her at incredible speed. It traveled so fast, Zelda span around in circles because of the force. About to fall on her rump, she felt strong yet caring arm grab her to keep her from falling down. Impa had saved Zelda's fragile butt!

"Are you all right, Princess?" the kind Sheikah woman asked.

"Yes Impa. I am," said Zelda, brushing herself off. Of all the nerve for that creature to run by and not even say a word of apology!

"Can I ask a question, Impa?"

"I don't know if you can, but you MAY," said her nanny.

"Excuse me. MAY I ask a question, Impa?"

"Of course, Princess. What is it you want to know?"

"That animal that was in here . . . what was it?"

Impa snapped her fingers. "Drat it all! I almost forgot about that thing! Excuse me, Princess." She lightly pushed Zelda out of the way and gave chase to the rude beast.

"WAIT IMPA!" Zelda yelled down the hall. "I'M HUNGRY!" Zelda frowned as she realized that her yells were to no avail. She decided that maybe she could make her own lunch!

The castle was big, but the layout was not that complex. There was a kitchen on the same floor as Zelda's bedroom, which was closer than the other kitchen on the first floor. Once reaching the floor, Zelda felt a strong pain near her waist.

"Good thing I'm hear. I have to take a leak," she said, as she entered her bedroom.

Once she opened the door to her room, she gasped in horror of what she saw. She was so horrified, she forgot all about her need to use the John and went right there in her skirt. She realized what she did, but was too stupefied to care.

Her room was a mess! Drawers were toppled over, the bed sheets were chewed up, and her closets were open, each having some kind of dress or undies lying helplessly on the floor next to them.

Zelda frantically began to search her room, looking to see if any of her valuable possessions were stolen. Her diamonds were there . . . that was good. Pictures of her family and friends were there . . . another good thing. OH NO! WHERE WAS HER PRIZED VEGETABLE COLLECTION?!?!?!

After a frantic moment of searching, she found her vegetable collection under her bed. The carrots, turnips, onions, potatoes and broccoli were lying there, still in perfect condition. Zelda let out a relieved sigh and began to straighten out her room.

Thinking to herself, she decided that she REALLY needed to find a place for her veggie collection. You see, Zelda had been collecting vegetables ever since she was a little girl of 5. For 12 years now she'd been stealing potatoes, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and even cabbage from her father's private gardens. Now she felt kind of ashamed, since that was where her father was buried when he died. But she couldn't help watching the little sprouts pop up and say "Look at me! I'm a sprout!" It was much better to pick them and hide them than to have some unworthy slob eat them for dinner.

Five hours later, Zelda decided it was time to go to bed. She had had a hard day. First, she took a walk and figured out some of the most challenging questions her mind ever thought of. Then, some fur-covered animal with a slipper knocked her down, and then she had to clean up her room. What a day of hard work!

She climbed into bed, and then after lying for about a half-hour, her stomach said it was hungry. Zelda sat up and pulled her feet over so they could dangle of the edge of her king sized bed, stood up, and kicked her foot forward so it would enter her slipper.

But her foot continued to move after it flew over the floor . . .

Noticing that something was out of place, Zelda looked down at her feet. Her slippers! Where were her slippers?

Zelda ran over to her once messy closet and looked at her slipper rack. There were no slippers there! Her pink bunny slippers, the red fur slippers, all gone! Even her diamond-studded slippers that her father had given her were missing!

Wait . . . HER DIAMOND-STUDDED SLIPPERS WERE MISSING!

Toppling over everything she had spent so much time on to get back into place, she began to search frantically for her most valuable possession alongside her vegetable collection. Knocking over her priceless porcelain vase, she cut her bare foot on one of the shards and screamed in pain.

"AAIIIEEEE!" was the powerful word that echoed through the castle walls.

Within seconds, Impa came rushing to the princess's bedroom.

"Princess Zelda! Whatever is the matter?"

"IMPA!" Zelda screamed at her nanny. "WHERE THE FREAK ARE MY SLIPPERS?!?!?!"

"Zelda!" said Impa. "Do not raise your voice at me! Nor do you use language like that in this castle!"

"I'm sorry, Impa," said Zelda, lowering her head in shame.

"Let me see your foot. It looks deeply cut."

"How can you tell? My foot is on the ground!"

"I can tell, Princess, because of the massive puddle of blood beneath your feet."

Sure enough, a large amount of blood was on Zelda's marble and recently waxed floor.

"Eeew . . ." said the princess, lifter her bleeding foot from the puddle and staring down at it disgustingly.

"Come and sit on your bed, Princess, and I shall bandage it for you," said Impa, walking to the bathroom to get some bandages.

Zelda hobbled over to her bed, trying to not get any more blood on her recently waxed floor. Surely, the blood would seep into the grout . . . If only she had put Teflon on her floor like the maid suggested!

While Zelda began to sit on her plush bed, Impa came in with the first-aid kit. Pulling out a large yet comforting gauze, the nanny began to wrap the large cut.

"So . . . Impa . . . have any questions that you want me to try to figure out?" asked Zelda, proudly remember her trials with the grass and brick.

"Not tonight, Princess. But I think I might have an answer to your slipper question."

Ah yes. The slippers. How could she have forgotten so quickly?

"Yes, Impa. Where are my slippers?"

"Well, Princess Zelda, do you remember the furry animal that knocked you down this afternoon?"

Again, how could she have forgotten the animal that was so rude, it didn't even apologize? Zelda nodded, tempting her nanny to continue.

"I went up to my room at about 2 o'clock this afternoon, and I noticed the creature peering into my closet. It must have heard me enter, for it jerked its head out and quickly grabbed a paper bag full of some kind of item and ran down the hall, at speeds I had never thought possible. I gave chase, and before too long I leapt upon the creature's back with the help of my ninja skills."

"OOO . . ." said Zelda, clearly fascinated with the tale.

"The creature opened its mouth in shock and let out some kind of honking noise. It dropped the paper bag, and before too long, we were wrestling for it. I stunned the animal with mace and grabbed the bag. Inside were a bunch of pairs of slippers! MY slippers!"

Zelda gasped, horrified by the outcome of the story.

"The animal regained his senses and noticed a single purple slipper, which belonged to my favorite pair, in fact. He picked it up with his mouth and continued to run down the hall. That was about the time he knocked you down, Princess."

"So, if my observations are correct," Zelda began, putting a hand to her chin. "Then that beast, or another one like it, came in here and stole my slippers!"

"Very good, Princess!" said Impa, proud of the princess's fine work.

"But why would that creature come in here and take all of the slippers?"

"I don't know. But what I do know is that some animals take interest in the smallest things. Do you think those animals may have an interest in slippers?"

"I'm not sure . . ." Zelda said, now tapping a finger on her chin. "This is a hard one."

"Indeed," said Impa, nodding her approval. "There must be someway to find out what that creature is . . ."

Zelda snapped her fingers. "The library!"

"Once again, Princess, your wisdom has triumphed over our troubling situations," Impa said, laughing a little bit. "After you, Princess."

Zelda and Impa began the long and dangerous trek to the library . . .

Once there, the search began. It took hours to find a book that had the strange creature! Taking down a book, carefully studying the pictures, and to no avail; the creature wasn't in that one! So they picked another book, looked, and came with nothing.

After about 4 hours of searching, Impa shouted with triumph.

"Ha!" said the Sheikah woman, finding something.

"What is it, Impa? Did you find it?"

"Yes, I did! Here, Princess, read what it says."

Picking up the book and studying it hard, she found the paragraph about the creature.

"La . . . La . . . La-lama!" said Zelda, pronouncing the weird word. "A creature that has been known for it's f . . . f . . . fuuunkyyyyy . . . funky! A creature that has been known for it's funky looks, soft fur, and as an animal of burden." Zelda said, closing the book with a proud smirk on her face.

"Well, we know that the la-lama is indeed an animal of burden, so slippers are defiantly not a personal interest."

"But why would the la-lamas want OUR slippers? Surely there are other slippers out in the world that they could have taken."

"Again, another hard question. Perhaps it would be better to sleep on it. Until then, do you know anyone that might know more about la-lamas?"

"Hmm . . ." Zelda said, thinking outloud. "Dad's advisors might know something."

"Yes, but your father's advisors are still grieving his death. I don't think they would talk to the person that is now taking his place, even if you are his daughter."

"True," Zelda said. Then, she snapped her fingers. "I know! Link's fairy, Navi, might know something about it!"

Impa smacked her forehead. "Of course! Navi! How could we forget her? Zelda, once again your wisdom has led us out of trouble!"

Impa and Zelda laughed with happiness, glad that they found something out. They started to head back to their bedrooms, but unbeknownst to them, a long necked animal had been looking through the window . . .

UH-OH! Have Zelda and Impa been watched by on of the la-lamas? Isn't it that obvious? What will Zelda do about this slipper predicament? Find out in the next chapter!

Loving Reviews are appreciated. Thank you.


	2. IT'S LLAMA, DANGIT!

Last time in "Llama Mamas" . . .

_"IMPA!" Zelda screamed at her nanny. "WHERE THE FREAK ARE MY __SLIPPERS?!?!?!"_

* * *

_"I went up to my room at about 2 o'clock this afternoon, and I noticed the creature peering into my closet. It must have heard me enter, for it jerked its head out and quickly grabbed a paper bag full of some kind of item and ran down the hall, at speeds I had never thought possible. I gave chase, and before too long I leapt upon the creature's back with the help of my ninja skills."_

"_OOO . . ." said Zelda, clearly fascinated with the tale._

"_The creature opened its mouth in shock and let out some kind of honking noise. It dropped the paper bag, and before too long, we were wrestling for it. I stunned the animal with mace and grabbed the bag. Inside were a bunch of pairs of slippers! MY slippers!"_

_Zelda gasped, horrified by the outcome of the story._

"_The animal regained his senses and noticed a single purple slipper, which belonged to my favorite pair, in fact. He picked it up with his mouth and continued to run down the hall. That was about the time he knocked you down, Princess."_

* * *

_"La . . . La . . . La-lama!" said Zelda, pronouncing the weird word. "A creature that has been known for it's f . . . f . . . fuuunkyyyyy . . . funky! A creature that has been known for its funky looks, soft fur, and as an animal of burden." Zelda said, closing the book with a proud smirk on her face._

_"Well, we know that the la-lama is indeed an animal of burden, so slippers are defiantly not a personal interest."_

_"But why would the la-lamas want OUR slippers? Surely there are other slippers out in the world that they could have taken."_

_"Again, another hard question. Perhaps it would be better to sleep on it. Until then, do you know anyone that might know more about la-lamas?"_

_"Hmm . . ." Zelda said, thinking outloud. "Dad's advisors might know something."_

_"Yes, but your father's advisors are still grieving his death. I don't think they would talk to the person that is now taking his place, even if you are his daughter."_

_"True," Zelda said. Then, she snapped her fingers. "I know! Link's fairy, Navi, might know something about it!"_

_Impa smacked her forehead. "Of course! Navi! How could we forget her? Zelda, once again your wisdom has led us out of trouble!"_

_Impa and Zelda laughed with happiness, glad that they found something out. They started to head back to their bedrooms, but unbeknownst to them, a long necked animal had been looking through the window . . ._

* * *

Chapter 2: IT'S LLAMA, DANGIT!

Zelda woke up at about 7 o'clock the next morning, eager to set her meeting with Link and Navi into action. Of course, she had to do her morning chores first . . .

Picking up her list of things that she needed to do, she walked to her closet to get dressed in her usual and favorite pink dress. She had about 15 of them, and 7 had been torn by the la-lama that had come in the other day, so now she only had 8.

That thing . . . that thing would PAY!

Once dressed, she brushed her teeth and did her business. She did not need to worry about staining her dress, for this time she had the chance to sit on the throne and do it properly. Once done, she fixed her skirt and began her list of chores.

After practicing a "princess walk" and hair styling and make-up techniques, she noticed one thing on the list that she had yet to do.

"_Wax the floor."_

Zelda nodded, then looked at the bloodstain from the other night. How DARE that animal make her search frantically to where she knocked over her vase and stepped on a shard?

Sighing and shrugging her shoulders, Zelda went to her closet and pulled out her buffer. Remembering what her maid had said, she went to her bathroom and grabbed her Clorox Bleach with Teflon cleanser and set to work.

First, she poured just enough cleanser to cover her entire floor. Then, taking her buffer, she turned the monster machine to the "ON" position. The buffer started to do its job, and Zelda began to do HER job.

Now, controlling buffers are hard, especially with a gallon of Teflon on her floor. Zelda slipped and slid all over the room, until soon enough, the Teflon seemed to work it's way into the marble. Zelda turned her buffer into the "OFF" position, rendering the monstrous machine quiet.

Zelda looked at her great work, then to where the bloodstain was. It was gone! Her mission was a success! Now to start on her other mission . . .

Zelda took a step forward towards her door, but due to the gallons of Teflon on the floor, slipped, fell on her rump, and instead SLID out the door. She continued to slide, somewhat enjoying herself, until she hit an opposing wall. With a loud CRASH she stopped instantly, now a heap on the floor.

Zelda regained her senses, then worked her way to the Drawing Room.

Once there, she pulled out a piece of parchment and a pen, then began to write the following:

_Deer Link,_

_Hi! It's Princess Zelda! Wood u pleeze come 2 the cassle? There r sum impoortunt theengs that we need 2 talk abowt. _

_Luv, _

_Princess Zelda_

_P.S. Breeng ur farey over also. We need hur!_

Smiling at her masterpiece, Zelda put it in an envelope and hurried to her postbox.

Zelda waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . then she blinked, and waited some more. And waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . and waited. She blinked again! It was so amazing how a human could just blink whenever they wanted to!

Speaking of which, Zelda thought about that. She had never realized how cool it was just to be able to move your body when you wanted to! Looking down at her index finger, she simply bent it to where it came towards her palm.

She had never realized how complex the body could be!

To think, something that seemed so simple was actually probably so complex! That fact that her brain, the control station of her body, was in her head, and her finger, which was far from the brain, was able to respond so quickly!

Moving her finger back and forth again and again, Zelda finally realized how neat the human body was.

She could do whatever she wanted to just be telling her body to do it! She could wiggle her toes instantly, wiggle her nose, talk, blink, and even think to herself! How could you just display images in your head? It was so interesting!

Was there some kind of television in your brain that showed you these thoughts? It sounded so easy, but it was so hard at the same time!

Zelda was surprised when she saw someone walk into her bedroom. Finally, Link was here!

"Oh Link!" Zelda shouted, throwing herself at him. "It's so good to see you again!"

"Yeah, you too!" said Link, patting her on the back but secretly rolling his eyes. "How's life?"

"It's wonderful! And look! I just figured something out! You think that just moving your finger is so simple, but have you ever thought about how complex it really is? Just look!" She proudly bent her finger up and down, and Link stared.

"Woah . . ." said Link, stupefied. 'It DOES sound easy, but it really IS hard!"

"I know! The human body is so cool!"

Pretty soon, both of them were just sitting there, bending their fingers back and forth.

Zelda then shook her head. "Wait a minute. Where's my mind?"

"Right there," said Link, pointing at her head. "Duh!"

"Oh shut up. Did you bring the fairy?"

Link pouted and crossed his arms. "Navi is NOT just "the fairy", Zelda! She has a name! Fairy's have feelings too, you know!"

"Excuse me. Did you bring NAVI?"

"Yeah, I did. She's asleep in my hat," Link replied, wiggling has hat around so Zelda could see. "Why?"

"We need her for something! Impa and I found something out!"

"What did you find out?"

"There's these things called la-lamas, and they steal slippers!"

"THAT'S WHAT THOSE THINGS WERE?!?!" said a shrill voice from inside Link's hat. Navi then flew out, glowing red. "THOSE BEASTS! THEY'RE GOING TO PAY FOR STEALING MY EXPENSIVE EXTRA-SOFT FAIRY SLIPPERS!"

"ACK!" screamed the brave Hero of Time. "FAIRY RAMPAGE! FAIRY RAMPAGE!" And with the bravery of a hero, he hid behind Zelda.

"Make it go away, Zelda . . ."

Zelda slapped Link, hard.

"Stop it! We need Navi!"

"Oh! You do?" Navi asked, calming down and returning to her natural white sheen.

"Yes!" said Zelda, smiling. "We need to ask you about la-lamas!"

"La-lama . . ." Navi said, deep in thought. "I can't put a finger on that name. If you could show me a picture, I might . . ."

"Right this way!" Zelda interrupted, leading Navi to the library and leaving a still cowering Link behind.

Once they reached the library, Zelda grabbed the book that had the picture of the la-lama in it.

"Here it is!" Zelda said, opening the bookmarked page with the picture.

"Oh! THOSE things!" Navi said. "Yeah! I know all about those!"

"Great! What can you tell us about them?"

"Well, the llama comes from a place called . . ."

"Uh, Navi?" Zelda said, interrupting again.

"Yes?"

"It's not 'llama'. It's la-lama!" Zelda said with sass and rolling her eyes. "Duh."

"Uh . . . Hate to say it, Princess, but it's llama. The second 'l' is silent."

"Uh, no. It's la-lama."

"I'm sorry, but it's llama."

"La-lama."

"Llama."

"La-lama."

"Llama."

"La-lama!"

"Llama!"

While the two girls were fighting, Link sat there, confused and scared, wondering what would be the outcome of the La-lama/Llama battle.

"LA-LAMA!"

"LLAMA!"

"LAAA-LAAMAAAA!"

"LLAAAAMAAAA!"

"LAAAAA-LAAAAAMAAAAAAAA!"

"SHUT UP!" Navi said, turning red again. Zelda shut up.

"IF YOU WANT MY FREAKIN' ADVICE, YOU TAKE THE ADVICE, AND THAT MEANS IT'S LLAMA! THE SECOND 'L' IS NOT SILENT, DANGIT!"

Zelda sat down, looking quite embarrassed, and Link began to cry. He hated it when his friends fought! It was so confusing! Who was he supposed to cheer for?

"Now then," said Navi, calmly. "The llama is just a little mammal that runs around, eats grass, makes noise, sleeps, and relieves himself all day. Nothing more, nothing less."

Zelda raised her hand and waved it spastically. "OH! QUESTION!"

Navi rolled her (invisible fairy) eyes and sighed. "Yes, Zelda. What is it?"

"If the llamas are just cute little fuzzy animals, then why did they take my slippers?"

"Yeah," added Link, back to his normal self. "Now that I think of it, they did take my Kokiri Brand slippers as well . . ."

"I don't know," Navi said. "Are you sure it was a llama you saw, Zelda?"

"Well sure I'm sure!" Zelda said, rather angrily. "That beast knocked me down and didn't have the respect to apologize!"

Link gasped. "NO!"

"Yes! And it just kept on running, not even looking back!"

"Right," Navi said, trying very hard not to laugh. "Well then in that case, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know," Zelda responded. "We could put some kind of tracking device on a slipper and track it down."

"So then we would know where all of the slippers were?" asked Link.

"Exactly! But where are we going to find something that can fit inside a slipper and not get any attention what-so-ever?"

Zelda and Link thought hard about this. Then they looked at Navi and stared her down. A determined smirk hit their faces.

"What?" Navi said, sounding a bit nervous. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Zelda made a mischievous smile. "Oh, I think you know . . ."

Hmm. It seems that Zelda has thought of a plan to track down the location of the slippers, but what is it? Again, is it really that hard to figure out? Obviously, it has something to do with Navi . . . Will Navi be OK? Find out in the next chapter of Llama Mamas!

Loving Reviews are appreciated. Thank you.


	3. OPERATION: SLIPPER

Last time in "Llama Mamas" . . .

* * *

_Deer Link,_

_Hi! It's Princess Zelda! Wood u pleeze come 2 the cassle? There r sum impoortunt theengs that we need 2 talk abowt. _

_Luv, _

_Princess Zelda _

_P.S. Breeng ur farey over also. We need hur!_

* * *

_"It's not 'llama'. It's la-lama!" Zelda said with sass and rolling her eyes. "Duh."_

_"Uh . . . Hate to say it, Princess, but it's llama. The second 'l' is silent."_

_"Uh, no. It's la-lama."_

_"I'm sorry, but it's llama."_

_"La-lama."_

_"Llama."_

_"La-lama."_

_"Llama."_

_"La-lama!"_

_"Llama!"_

_While the two girls were fighting, Link sat there, confused and scared, wondering what would be the outcome of the La-lama/Llama battle._

_"LA-LAMA!"_

_"LLAMA!"_

_"LAAA-LAAMAAAA!"_

_"LLAAAAMAAAA!"_

_"LAAAAA-LAAAAAMAAAAAAAA!"_

_"SHUT UP!" Navi said, turning red again. Zelda shut up._

_"IF YOU WANT MY FREAKIN' ADVICE, YOU TAKE THE ADVICE, AND THAT MEANS IT'S LLAMA! THE SECOND 'L' IS NOT SILENT, DANGIT!"_

_Zelda sat down, looking quite embarrassed, and Link began to cry. He hated it when his friends fought!_

_

* * *

_

_"Right," Navi said, trying very hard not to laugh. "Well then in that case, what are we going to do?"_

_"I don't know," Zelda responded. "We could put some kind of tracking device on a slipper and track it down."_

_"So then we would know where all of the slippers were?" asked Link._

_"Exactly! But where are we going to find something that can fit inside a slipper and not get any attention what-so-ever?"_

_Zelda and Link thought hard about this. Then they looked at Navi and stared her down. A determined smirk hit their faces._

_"What?" Navi said, sounding a bit nervous. "Why are you looking at me like that?"_

_Zelda made a mischievous smile. "Oh, I think you know . . ."_

**

* * *

** Chapter 3: OPERATION: SLIPPER 

Zelda waited impatiently in front of her bathroom, while Link waited patiently in front of the bathroom that he wished was his. Zelda was pacing back and forth, hands behind her back, and a frustrated look on her face. Link was sitting on the floor, cross-legged with his hands on his knees and rocking back and forth, with a jolly, carefree look on his face.

Zelda continued to pace, while Link continued to rock. Zelda paced, Link rocked. Zelda paced, and Link . . . rocked. Then, it happened. Zelda screamed in rage, and Link fell on his back, legs still crossed.

"DANGIT NAVI!" Zelda screamed. "HURRY UP! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR THIRTY MINUTES AND I HAVE TO GO POTTY!"

"I'm not coming out!" said a voice from inside the bathroom.

"YOU ARE TOO COMING OUT! AND I HAVE LINK TO HELP ME!" Zelda turned to Link and smiled. "Don't I, Link?" 

But she didn't, for Link was still on the floor, struggling to get up and unaware that if he uncrossed his legs it would be much easier to get back up again.

Zelda sighed again, then pressed her ear against the door. "Navi?" she said, sweetly.

"Yes?"

"If you don't come out right now, I can assure you that I can make it to where you glow NOT only because you're a fairy."

"What do you mean?"

"I just so happen to have a secret plutonium mine, and enough plutonium to shove up your FAIRY BUTT! GET OUT OF THERE, NOW!"

And indeed, Zelda's will was done. As if on cue, the door shot open, revealing a terrified Navi and slamming Zelda into the wall.

Now we could see why Navi did not want to come out. She was covered with window tinting, enough window tinting to almost completely dull out her white glow.

"Fine. You drive a hard bargain, and you left me no choice," Navi said, frown on her face.

Zelda stood up and looked over Navi. "You don't look bad! I think it's . . . uh . . . COOL to have a window tinting body suit!"

Navi immediately perked up. "You think so?"

"Oh absolutely! Wouldn't you do anything for a suit like that, Link?"

But Link was still on the floor and completely oblivious to everything that was going on around him.

Zelda sighed and shook her head, then looked back at Navi.

"OK Navi. Here's what you gotta do. Are you listening?"

"Check!"

"OK then. You are going to stay inside the toe of this slipper," she said, holding up a pink slipper, "while Link and I set up so a llama will come and take it. It should take you to his base, and once he puts you down somewhere, fly out of the slipper and find out anything you can about the llamas. Why they're using the slippers is a good start."

"OK," said the fairy. "I THINK I got it."

Zelda smiled. "Good! And one more thing. Take this!" Zelda then threw a small headset at the fairy, thus knocking her down in the process. Once Navi managed to get airborne again, she slipped the headset on.

"It's an intercom device," said the princess. "If you need anything, call us. Otherwise, Link and I will check on you for time to time."

"OK. When do we begin?"

"NOW!" Then, Zelda shoved a slipper over the fairy's head. There was muffled "OW!" from inside.

"How you doin' so far, Nav?"

"OK, I guess," said the fairy. "It's a little packed."

"Good! That way, you won't fly out when the llama's running at those crazy speeds! OK, Link! Are you ready?"

Link, now standing up, nodded in reply. "Very ready! I was born ready! So ready that the word "ready" doesn't describe how ready I . . ."

"OK that's enough now."

"Oh . . . sorry."

"Wait, Zelda!" said the quiet and muffled voice of Navi.

"What now?"

"If we're going to be talking to eachother with headsets, we should have codenames!"

Zelda thought about this for a LONG time. Then she snapped her fingers.

"You're right! It would be so much more fun! I shall be Blondie Princess!"

Link jumped up and down. "OOH OOH! I WANNA BE BRASS EAGLE!"

Zelda looked at him. "Why?" she asked.

"Um . . . I dunno."

"Hmm . . . OK then. Brass Eagle it is!"

"And I shall be Pickle Shack!" said the voice of Navi.

"PICKLE SHACK?" asked Zelda and Link.

"Shut up! You try being stuffed in a slipper! The blood flow to my brain is being cut off, dangit!"

"Which gives us more reason to hurry up with the operation!" said Zelda excitedly. "LINK! Begin Phase 1 of OPERATION: SLIPPER!"

Link make a "hup-hup!" noise and sprang towards Zelda. He grabbed the slipper and hurled it into the air, back flipped, and then caught the slipper with amazing talent.

"Hup hup!" said Link again, now performing more amazing feats. Zelda could not help but stare at the graceful hero.

With an arm better than a quarterback on the Aggies football team, Link threw the slipper out of an open window.

"AIEE!" was the sound that came from the slipper.

With a soft "thud", the slipper hit the ground. Zelda and Link soon joined the slipper, mostly to see if the undercover agent was OK.

"Are you OK Navi?" asked Zelda.

"Yeah . . . I think so. WOAH!"

"WHAT?" asked Link and Zelda, scared they might have hurt her.

"I didn't know that my nails were unbreakable! This is so COOL!"

Zelda and Link sat there, confused and stunned, until the sound of hoofs on ground came from the distance.

"They're here, Navi! Get ready, and good luck!" And with that Zelda and Link left the pink slipper.

Insert optional line break

Excited and scared at the same time, Navi wondered if this plan would work. She couldn't find any flaws in it, but she was still a bit concerned . . .

Then a set of huge, crooked teeth grabbed the slipper and lifted it off the ground . . .

"Oh man. This is it!" Navi thought to herself as she felt the llama take off. "I wonder if I'm going to live through this . . . By the smell of this things breath, I'm having doubts . . ."

Then, Navi slapped herself. She just . . . slapped herself.

"Stop worrying!" she said to herself. "Everything will be fine!"

About 5 minutes later, she felt the llama skid to a halt.

"We must be close," Navi said to herself.

Then, she hit the floor, hard.

"OOF!" she said, landing on her rump. Luckily, she was still inside her slipper. The llama must have left her somewhere.

Slowly, she poked her window-tinted head out of the slipper and looked around. It looked like she was in some kind of military base . . . Or, that is to say, it certainly LOOKED like one.

Pretty much everything was made of metal: the walls, the floors, the ceiling . . . everything! But then again, and didn't HAVE to be a military base. It would've been great for a laboratory or some kind of research facility. Nonetheless, it was abandoned.

Navi began to speak into the headset.

"This is Agent Pickle Shack reporting to headquarters. Llama base has been breached and everything's a go."

"Blondie Princess reporting back. Excellent work, Agent Pickle Shack!"

"Thank you, Blondie Princess. Continue mission?"

"Affirmative!"

"Check!" Then, Navi heard the sound of struggling over the other headset.

"Blondie Princess, do you come in?" Navi said, tapping her headset.

"This is Brass Eagle reporting to Agent Pickle Shack. Hi, Agent Pickle Shack!"

"Uh . . . hi, Brass Eagle!"

"Brass Eagle requests Agent Pickle Shack to bring back with her a Quarter Pounder with cheese and mayonnaise only, along with a medium Dr. . . ."

Another struggling sound took place.

"Blondie Princess reporting to Agent Pickle Shack. Continue mission."

"Affirmative!" said Navi. "Agent Pickle Shack will report back to headquarters when she finds something out!"

Navi then continued to work herself out of the slipper, and once there, she observed her other surroundings. She was in a huge pile of slippers, neatly stacked in a corner. There were so many of them! Blue slippers, red slippers, yellow slippers, even the little Sponge Bob Square Pants slippers that are nearly impossible to find now!

Navi retreated the slipper pile and looked around the room some more. She found a huge door that looked like an airlock; she had found the way out!

Above the door was a sign that said "Storage Facility: Do Not Enter Without Permission". So, Navi was in a storage facility . . . a perfect place to pick up evidence!

Seeing a stack of crates in another corner of the room, she decided that would probably be the best place to start. She headed over to the crates and managed to pry them open. They were extremely weak! Wondering what the weak material was that was holding the lid to the crates down, she looked under the top.

The thing that was holding the crates together was . . . Scotch tape . . .

That didn't make since! The llamas were smart enough to know how to maneuver around a high security castle and steal the Princess's slippers, but they didn't know that Scotch tape was extremely useless when it was holding a crate together?

Shrugging the thought off, she peered inside the box.

Only to find more slippers . . .

She couldn't believe this! Why were the llamas taking so many stupid slippers? It couldn't have been an obsession; that would be just plain creepy! Once again, she decided that it would be better if she didn't think about.

Satisfied with her discovery, Navi headed over to the airlock door.

Insert line break

Back at the castle, Agents Blondie Princess and Brass Eagle were sitting in Zelda's room, bored to death.

"I'm bored," said Link.

"Me too," said Zelda.

"I wish I knew what to do."

"Me too."

"I hope Navi's OK."

"Me too."

"WANNA DO CARTWHEELS?"

"OK!"

insert line break

Back at the llama's base, Navi had found her way to one of the main corridors of the facility. It was a LONG narrow hallway with doors on every side.

"How could the llamas build a place so big, so powerful, and so strong, when they're just four-legged animals?" Navi asked to herself. Or . . . were they something else?

Then, Navi found something that caught her eye . . .

A huge door that said "Scientific Research Lab". Then, below that, in messy white letters, said "ALL LLAMAS WELCOME!"

"All Llamas Welcome" . . . it sounded like something you would see at the entrance to a party. Was there a party inside?

Remembering her mission, Navi spoke into her intercom.

"This is Agent Pickle Shack reporting to headquarters. I have found what looks to be a very important place and am about to enter. Do not talk back until I say so." And with that, Navi entered the lab.

Once inside, she immediately flew into a corner, hoping to not be seen. Once she thought she was hidden, she looked around the room to see if anybody was in the room with her.

And there was!

Apparently a mass meeting of some sort, there were at least 1000 llamas in the huge laboratory! Big llamas, small llamas, fat llamas, thin llamas, even little baby llamas! And they all were standing around something of great interest. A podium was in front of all of them and the thing that they were surrounding, and a llama with a general cap on his head was speaking from behind it.

"Attention all llama friends!" said the llama general. "It is I, General Lenin, with an important announcement for you all!"

Navi gasped at what she heard. She was in the middle of a secret llama meeting! And the llama's general was Russian! Were all of the llamas Russian, too? 

"It regrets me to have found this out just the other day," said General Lenin, "but we have just found out from one of our spies that someone knows that we have been stealing slippers!"

A huge murmur arose from the group of llamas: a murmur of panic. Llamas turned to each other and began to gossip about the fact until Lenin stopped the noise by honking, VERY loudly. Navi tried her best to keep quiet.

"There is no need to panic, however!" Lenin said to the mass amount of llamas. "The device is near completion! In fact, we have a demonstration of its power for you!"

In order to see what was going on, Navi flew higher until her wings brushed against the ceiling. The thing that llamas were surrounded around was something hidden by a white tarp. Four llamas came and removed the tarp, and below it was some kind of . . . weapon? Some kind of gun of sorts.

General Lenin pressed a few buttons on the device and pointed it near one of the walls. Five llamas came in front of the gun, caring a large clay ball about 40 feet in circumference. After setting the ball carefully on the floor, the llamas got away from the gun's head. General Lenin pressed one more button on the machine, then stepped back. The tip of the gun's head began to glow neon green.

"Ooo . . ." said the other llamas, who were staring in awe.

A neon green sphere began to form at the tip of the gun's head, and once it reached a circumference of about 1 foot, the ball was released, followed by a trail of green light. It went straight for the large clay sphere, and upon contact, blew it to smithereens. The llamas cheered wildly.

Navi gasped in horror. The machine was a ray gun! But what would llamas want to do with a ray gun?

"Once we reach our science into outer space," continued Lenin after the cheering died down, "we can build a colony on the nearest planet and migrate there. We shall then transport the ray gun to our colony!"

More cheers.

"Remember, fellow llamas, WE MUST HAVE MORE SLIPPERS! The planet Earth is MUCH larger than 40 feet in circumference! In order to have full power to blow it up, we must have more slippers!"

"MORE SLIPPERS!" yelled the llamas.

"WE SHALL MAKE THOSE UNGRATEFUL HUMANS PAY FOR WHAT THEY DID TO US!"

The llamas cheered more, and it wasn't until they calmed down when Navi figured out what they meant.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S JUST LIKE THAT STUPID BOOK "ANIMAL FARM"!" Navi screamed, not even remembering that she was in a room full of llamas.

All of the llamas from down below turned their heads in confusion, wondering who had yelled that.

"There!" yelled General Lenin, pointing his right ear at the ceiling. All of the llamas looked up to see a faded glowing thing.

"I HATED THAT BOOK! IT WAS SO BORING I CRIED!"

While Navi ranted, a stealth llama climbed up the wall and grabbed Navi.

"AND THOSE ANIMALS JUST _HAD_ TO LISTEN TO SNOWBALL AND NAPOLEON AND SOON VIVA LA REVOLUTION THE FARM IS THERES!"

"What is it?" asked General Lenin, pointing his ear at the glowing thingy and poking it with his hoof.

"Research says it is a fairy, sir," said another llama, obviously one of the general's trustees.

"Put it in the canon!" said Lenin. Navi continued to rant.

"AND THEN NAPOLEON WAS ALL LIKE 'WE HAVE TO WORK, DANGIT, OR THIS FARM WILL FALL!' AND SO ALL OF THE ANIMALS WORKED AND WORKED AND WORKED AND HE DRANK OF THE FREAKIN' MILK!"

The llamas shoved Navi into a regular war canon.

"AND THEN THEY JUST _HAD_ TO BUILD A MILL, ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT BOXER, THE ONLY GOOD CHARACTER, IS OLD AND THAT HE CAN'T WORK ANYMORE! AND WHAT DOES HE DO? HE SENDS HIM TO A FREAKIN' GLUE FACTORY!"

The llamas opened up a skylight in the roof of the laboratory and tilted the canon towards it.

"AND HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT THAT STUPID 'WAR' BETWEEN THE ANIMALS AND THE HUMANS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BOOK? AND THAT STUPID GUY SHOT SNOWBALL AND THAT STUPID COW SMASHED THE GUY'S FACE IN AND I LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED!"

The llamas lit the fuse of the canon.

"AND THEN IN THE END ALL OF THE PIGS TURN OUT TO BE COMMUNISTS AND DRESS UP AND WALK ON TWO LEGS AND DRINK BEER AND ALL OF THE OTHER ANIMALS JUST STARE! AND THEN BAM, THE END! WASN'T THAT A GREAT ENDING? NO!!! IT WAS NOT GREAT! IT STANK! IT STANK WORSE THAN LINK'S FARTS AFTER A BURITO!"

The canon fired, and Navi sailed through the open hole in the roof, continuing to rant about the bad political book.

* * *

Uh oh! It looks like the llamas are planning to destroy the Earth! But what did Earth do to them that was so bad? Will Navi get over her rant about "Animal Farm" or will she stop and rant about "1984"? Find out next time in Llama Mamas! 


	4. Gathering the Facts

Last time in "Llama Mamas" . . .

_Zelda sighed again, then pressed her ear against the door. "Navi?" she said, sweetly._

_"Yes?"_

_"If you don't come out right now, I can assure you that I can make it to where you glow NOT only because you're a fairy."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I just so happen to have a secret plutonium mine, and enough plutonium to shove up your FAIRY BUTT! GET OUT OF THERE, NOW!"_

_And indeed, Zelda's will was done. As if on cue, the door shot open, revealing a terrified Navi and slamming Zelda into the wall._

* * *

_Navi began to speak into the headset._

_"This is Agent Pickle Shack reporting to headquarters. Llama base has been breached and everything's a go."_

_"Blondie Princess reporting back. Excellent work, Agent Pickle Shack!"_

_"Thank you, Blondie Princess. Continue mission?"_

_"Affirmative!"_

_"Check!" Then, Navi heard the sound of struggling over the other headset. _

_"Blondie Princess, do you come in?" Navi said, tapping her headset._

_"This is Brass Eagle reporting to Agent Pickle Shack. Hi, Agent Pickle Shack!"_

_"Uh . . . hi, Brass Eagle!"_

_"Brass Eagle requests Agent Pickle Shack to bring back with her a Quarter Pounder with cheese and mayonnaise only, along with a medium Dr. . . ."_

_Another struggling sound took place._

_"Blondie Princess reporting to Agent Pickle Shack. Continue mission."_

_"Affirmative!" said Navi. "Agent Pickle Shack will report back to headquarters when she finds something out!"_

_insert line break_

_"Remember, fellow llamas, WE MUST HAVE MORE SLIPPERS! The planet Earth is MUCH larger than 40 feet in circumference! In order to have full power to blow it up, we must have more slippers!"_

_"MORE SLIPPERS!" yelled the llamas. _

"WE SHALL MAKE THOSE UNGRATEFUL HUMANS PAY FOR WHAT THEY DID TO US!"

_

* * *

_

_"OH MY GOD! IT'S JUST LIKE THAT STUPID BOOK "ANIMAL FARM"!" Navi screamed, not even remembering that she was in a room full of llamas._

_All of the llamas from down below turned their heads in confusion, wondering who had yelled that. _

_"There!" yelled General Lenin, pointing his right ear at the ceiling. All of the llamas looked up to see a faded glowing thing._

_"I HATED THAT BOOK! IT WAS SO BORING I CRIED!"_

_While Navi ranted, a stealth llama climbed up the wall and grabbed Navi. _

_"AND THOSE ANIMALS JUST HAD TO LISTEN TO SNOWBALL AND NAPOLEON AND SOON VIVA LA REVOLUTION THE FARM IS THERES!"_

_"What is it?" asked General Lenin, pointing his ear at the glowing thingy and poking it with his hoof._

_"Research says it is a fairy, sir," said another llama, obviously one of the general's trustees._

_"Put it in the canon!" said Lenin. Navi continued to rant._

_"AND THEN NAPOLEON WAS ALL LIKE 'WE HAVE TO WORK, DANGIT, OR THIS FARM WILL FALL!' AND SO ALL OF THE ANIMALS WORKED AND WORKED AND WORKED AND HE DRANK OF THE FREAKIN' MILK!"_

_The llamas shoved Navi into a regular war canon._

_"AND THEN THEY JUST HAD TO BUILD A MILL, ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT BOXER, THE ONLY GOOD CHARACTER, IS OLD AND THAT HE CAN'T WORK ANYMORE! AND WHAT DOES HE DO? HE SENDS HIM TO A FREAKIN' GLUE FACTORY!"_

_The llamas opened up a skylight in the roof of the laboratory and tilted the canon towards it._

_"AND HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT THAT STUPID 'WAR' BETWEEN THE ANIMALS AND THE HUMANS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BOOK? AND THAT STUPID GUY SHOT SNOWBALL AND THAT STUPID COW SMASHED THE GUY'S FACE IN AND I LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED!"_

_The llamas lit the fuse of the canon._

_"AND THEN IN THE END ALL OF THE PIGS TURN OUT TO BE COMMUNISTS AND DRESS UP AND WALK ON TWO LEGS AND DRINK BEER AND ALL OF THE OTHER ANIMALS JUST STARE! AND THEN BAM, THE END! WASN'T THAT A GREAT ENDING? NO!!! IT WAS NOT GREAT! IT STANK! IT STANK WORSE THAN LINK'S FARTS AFTER A BURITO!"_

_The canon fired, and Navi sailed through the open hole in the roof, continuing to rant about the bad political book._

_

* * *

_

Chapter 4: Gathering the Facts

It had been well over an hour since the llama's blasted Navi off into oblivion. The fairy had long-since stopped her ranting, and was now flying through the air at speeds over 70 miles an hour, completely un-aware of where she was going. Realizing it might take a long time to reach her destination, she began to speak into her headset.

"This is Agent Pickle Shack reporting to headquarters. Information has been found out and will give it back to you once returned to the base. Until then, it may take a while to . . . ACK!"

The reason being for Navi's choice of words was because she hit something that was flying. And the only thing that could fly in Hyrule is, well, a bird.

"GWAK!" went the bird as it spun around in circles. Once it managed to regain its composure, it looked for whatever had hit it. It noticed a tiny, dim glowing speck falling towards the ground. The thing must pay!

"This is Agent Pickle Shack reporting once more to headquarters. I have been hit and am going down." Navi continued to fall without a care or any kind of emotion on her face, and right when she was about to hit the ground, she felt something pick her up.

"WOAH!" she yelled, completely startled by the sudden change in direction. She was saved!

Wait . . . if something had saved her, why was it squeezing the poo out of her?

Looking up to her savior, she realized it was not a hero . . . but the bird that she had just recently collided into!

"Aw . . . um . . ." Navi didn't know exactly what word to use in this predicament.

The bird looked down at Navi and smiled evilly, then made a sudden nose-dive towards the ground! It was a kamikaze!

"AIEE!" Navi screamed. It wouldn't be long before it made contact . . .

Then, the totally unexpected happened, and the bird screamed in pain and let go of Navi. Navi realized this, but what did it matter? She was still going to fall!

But she wasn't falling!

Indeed, something else had rescued her! She opened her tightly shut eyes and saw a patch of sky, which looked like a ring inside of a green wall.

She was in Link's hat!

Navi flew out of the hat and looked around. Zelda and Link were there, smiling. Zelda was holding what looked like a bazooka, and Link was obviously trying his best to save her. But how were they in the air?

It was a hot air balloon!

"Are you OK, Agent Pickle Shack? Did you bring Link's burger?" asked Zelda, setting down her out-of-place bazooka.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But how did you guys know I was about to be killed by a bird? And no, I did not bring the burger."

"We put a tracking device on your suit, so we knew where you were all along! And I'm hungry!" replied Link, grinning like an idiot.

"And you didn't tell me why?"

Both Zelda and Link stood there, confused.

"Um . . ." thought Zelda outloud, looking at Link. Link looked back at her and shrugged.

"Because we didn't want you to push it!" Zelda suddenly said. Link looked at Navi and nodded.

"Um . . . OK."

Zelda looked over the basket of the hot air balloon. "That bird . . . I don't think I killed it."

"Oh well!" said Link, confused. "We got the only thing that matters back to us safely!"

Navi blushed and laughed. "Aw . . . thank you Link!"

"We got all the information about the llamas!"

Navi frowned and sighed. "Oh . . ."

"We'll talk all about it, once we get back to the castle!" said Zelda. She fiddled with the gas regulation, released a sandbag, and they were soon off.

* * *

In Zelda's room, the three detectives were sitting in various places. Zelda was sitting on her bed, Navi in Zelda's sock drawer, and Link, like any dog, on the floor. 

"So, the llamas are making some kind of weapon of mass-destruction?" Zelda asked the fairy.

"Oh, mass doesn't even describe it! They're planning to move to Mars so they can blow up the whole Earth!"

Zelda and Link gasped.

"And there's more!" Navi shouted. "The reason why they're stealing slippers is because the more slippers they have, the more power the machine has!"

"So," Link started, "they've been stealing slippers so they . . ."

"Can blow up the Earth!" Navi finished for him.

"But, why would they want to blow up the Earth?" Zelda asked.

"I don't know. But they mentioned something about "ungrateful humans". Apparently, people did something to them that they didn't like."

"Is there anyway we can destroy the machine?" Link asked.

"I don't know . . . they never said," Navi said, dejectedly.

"Well of course they didn't say! Like any of the llamas would want to bring down their own plans!" Zelda said snootily.

"I guess all we can do is find out more information about them," Link said.

"Hmm . . ." all three of them said, thinking hard.

"Maybe the people in Kakariko know something about it!" said Link.

"Wow Link!" Navi said. "You thunk!"

"Thunk? Is that a word?" asked the princess.

"Who cares?" asked Navi. "Surely, SOMEBODY in Kakariko must know something about the llamas!"

"Let's go!" said Link.

As if in slow motion, the three of them ran out of the castle. Impa walked by with a boom-box, which was conveniently blaring the theme of "Rocky".

* * *

Kakariko Village was in a state of panic. People were running around everywhere. Each and everyone screaming about something different. 

"They took my slippers!"

"Why does everything bad happen to US?"

"My house! They destroyed my house!"

And so on and so on.

"Man, you leave this place one day, and the next day its just completely gone south!" Link stated, looking around at the panicking villagers.

"Indeed," said Zelda, also looking around. "Well, I guess we should get started."

"But where should we start?" asked Navi.

"Um . . . let's try over there!" said Link, pointing to the area where the chicken lady normally was.

Zelda and Navi agreed, and the three of them walked towards the chicken lady. Once there, Navi turned towards Zelda and Link.

"Now guys, we need to try to act normal," she said. "If the people think that we're purposely looking for the llamas, they may freak out and kill us or something."

"Why would they do that?" asked Link.

"Um . . . I don't know! Just leave everything to me!" And with that, Navi flew towards the chicken lady.

"Hello, Miss. How are you?"

The chicken lady turned to Navi. Once their eyes met, she screamed and ran away.

"GLOWING THING! GLOWING THING!" she screamed.

"Navi, this isn't your thing! You've done enough!" said Zelda. "C'mon. Let's go try the windmill!"

"Why the windmill?" Link asked, looking towards it.

"Because the most unlikely things usually hold the answers! C'mon!"

And so, they headed towards the windmill. Once they reached the entrance, Zelda knocked rapidly on the door.

"Excuse me! Mr. Windmill Guy! Open up!"

No response.

"Hello? Anyone home?"

No response.

"Mmm . . ." Then, Zelda kicked the door open and walked inside. Link and Navi followed her as if nothing happened.

Inside the windmill, it was completely dark. Well, it wasn't dark for long. Navi had long ago ridded herself the window tinting suit, and the room was dimly lit with her brilliant light.

The windmill was completely abandoned. How did they know? Well, the spider webs in the corners sort of provided an obvious hint, and the dust that had collected provided hints, too.

"What a dump," Zelda said looking around. "Dusty, too."

"Very much unlike the time I came here last," said Link. "Right Navi?"

"What do you want, a cookie?" asked Navi agitatedly.

"Yes . . ."

Navi let out a frustrated sigh and looked around some more. Dust, dust, more dust. WOAH! A SPIDER! Oh, it ran away . . . oh well! And some more dust, some murals on the wall, dust again, and . . . MURALS ON THE WALL?

"Hey guys! Check it out! I found something!" said the fairy excitedly. Link and Zelda soon found what she was talking about, and the three of them walked over to the murals.

They all looked like some kind of ancient Indian wall paintings. One of them showed llamas standing in front of what looked like a burning Earth. Then, another showed a carrot, with a llama running away from it.

A llama running away from a carrot? That made no since!

"How come that one painting shows a llama running away from a carrot?" asked Link.

"I don't know," said Zelda. "Maybe llama's hate carrots?"

"No. Llamas eat just about anything. The carrot should be running away from the llama," said Navi, looking closer at the painting. "Take a closer look. That's not a normal carrot."

Zelda and Link moved forward, and indeed, the carrot was not normal. It was a golden color, and it looked like to have some kind of brilliant radiance to it.

"Well, we know it's not normal," said Zelda. "It's gold. Does that mean that it houses some kind of good?"

"I guess so," said Navi. "But it doesn't look COMPLETELY gold. More like a goldish orange. Or, maybe it's orange, but it's sparkly and shiny. Hard to say."

"Should we go see if any villagers know about carrots?" Link asked.

"Well, I know carrots go great in a carrot salad," said Zelda. "And they're also real tasty when cooked, especially with a light coating of butter, and . . ."

"Let's go, Miss Einstein," said Navi, dragging Zelda out of the windmill. Link followed.

Once back outside, the three investigators wondered who would have a lot of carrots.

"Well Link, retrace your adventure. That might help some."

"Well," said Link, putting a finger to his chin. "I got the three spiritual stones, got the Ocarina of Time, gave Ganondorf the world on a silver platter, got a horse . . ."

"That's it!" exclaimed Navi. "Lon-Lon Ranch! They have carrots!"

"Let's go!" said Zelda, pointing in a finger in the air. Realizing that she had just lifted her middle finger, Zelda immediately put it down and replaced it with her index finger.

* * *

"MALON!" Navi yelled with a voice loud enough to break glass. "WE NEED YOU MALON!" 

"SHUT UP!" said Malon, coming out of the storage shed with a bucket of milk in her hands. "I'M HERE, GOSH DARNIT! WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Then, Malon apparently saw Link, for she dropped the bucket as if it were a lava lamp that had been on for 7 hours. Before 5 seconds, she was where they were standing.

"FAIRY BOY!" Malon said in a sudden gangsta voice and slugging Link on the shoulder, hard. Link fell over and grabbed his shoulder in pain. "WASSUP?"

"Ugh . . . Hi," said Link, squeezing his throbbing shoulder.

"Yo, Princess Zelda, my homie!" Malon said, give Zelda the high-five. "What's up in da hood, yo?"

"Actually, foo', we're here to ask you 'bout the llamas!" Zelda said in her own gangsta voice and doing a very bad secret handshake with Malon.

"Oh, them posers!" said Malon, frowning. "They come to the ranch and steal all my slippers, yo!"

"Are you fo' rizzle?"

"Fo' shizzle!"

"Stop. Now." Navi said.

"OK," said Malon in her normal, country accent.

"Do you know anything else about the llamas, like, what they don't like?" Zelda said, also in her normal voice.

"Uh . . ." Malon said, rolling her eyes to the back of her head in deep thought. "Yeah! I do! They wouldn't go near my carrot patch!"

"I knew it!" Zelda said, punching the air.

"In fact, that's how I finally got them to go away," Malon continued. "They kept hanging around here, I guess because of the grass, and I picked a carrot and threw it at them. They ran away like it was a bomb or something!"

"Thanks sista!" said Zelda, once again in her gangsta accent. "That's all we need fo' our research, yo!"

"Don't mention it, foo!" said Malon, also in her gangsta accent. "But why you need to know about the llamas and carrots, yo?"

"Because, foo', we saw a painting of a shiny carrot in da windmill! We think that may be their weakness!"

"I pity the foo' who have to miss with them carrots, yo!" Malon said, in a sudden change of gangsta to "Mr. T".

"Good grief," Navi said. Looking to Link, she asked, "Do you think they'll ever stop?"

"Women are like melons, Navi," said Link, still rubbing his now bruised shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, their minds are round. They can go on and on and on and still not reach an end. Second, they're fun to eat."

Navi stood/floated, staring blankly at him. "Riiiiight . . ."

"Also, they're delicious! Yum!" said Link, rubbing his belly with a smile of pure bliss on his face.

"DUDE! LINK! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!?!?!?!?"

"Of course not, my fun fairy friend. If I did, do you know how much I could've impact the world?"

Navi thought about that for a moment. ". . . You're right."

Zelda suddenly walked up to them with a smile on her face. "Well friends," she started, speaking in her normal voice, "we've found out the most important clue yet! The llamas don't like carrots!"

"How does that help us any?" Navi asked.

"Well, DUH!" Zelda said, rolling her eyes. "They think that the carrots could be that shiny carrot we saw on the wall in the windmill!"

"What's your plan, Zelda Man?" asked Link, anxious (and willing) to learn.

"Hmm . . ." Zelda said, not liking Link's new nickname for her. She continued on with her speech. "Well, obviously that shiny carrot DOES have something in it that frightens the llamas. So, in order to defeat the llamas, we need to find that shiny carrot!"

"Are you saying . . ." Navi began.

"TOO THE LIBRARY!"

* * *

"I found it!" said Zelda, 3 hours after they had been to the castle library. Navi and Link flew/ran over to her and peered inside the book. Sure enough, there was a shiny carrot! 

"Well, what does it say?" Link asked.

"It says it's called the Shiny Carrot," Zelda began, reading from the book.

"WOAH!" said Navi. "IMAGINE THAT!"

"Shush," said Zelda. "The Shiny Carrot is believed to have powers that can stop willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas. It is believed that long ago, an Indian tribe bowed down to the Shiny Carrot, and prayed that all willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas to be banned from the Earth."

"What else?" asked Link.

"Mmm . . . bad news guys. The book says that chances are, it's just a myth."

"But it can't be a myth!" Navi shouted. "We're dealing with willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas!"

"Hey Zelda, does it say anything about where the Shiny Carrot could be hidden."

"Mmm . . ." Zelda said, scanning the book. "There's a poem here that has to do with the location, I think."

"Read it."

And here's what the book said:

_Over the hills and far away, __Teletubbies come to play!_

"Woah woah woah, wait Zelda," Navi said. "You skipped over to the 'T' section."

"Whoops!" Zelda said, realizing her error. She continued to scan through the book until she said, "Ah! Here it is! The Shiny Carrot was last located in the strongholds of the Kakariko Village Graveyard."

"So that's where we need to go!" Navi said. "We've now figured out a plan, and we can stop the llamas!"

"YAY!" Zelda and Link shouted out in unison. They then began to chant. "NO MORE LLAMAS! NO MORE LLAMAS!"

"NO MORE STINKIN' LLAMA MAMAS!" Navi shouted just in time.

Then, all three of them shouted.

"WE SHALL FIND THE SHINY CARROT

BIDDY BIDDY BOOM BOOM

LLAMAS GOIN' DOWN!"

"But first, we must sleep," said Link, stopping the chanting and in a dull voice. Zelda and Navi nodded.

"He's right . . . I'm tired," Zelda said, yawning.

"Besides, we've got a big day tomorrow!" Navi shouted.

Then the three recited their chant again.

_NO MORE LLAMAS!_

_NO MORE LLAMAS!_

_NO MORE STINKIN' LLAMA MAMAS!_

_WE SHALL FIND THE SHINY CARROT_

_BIDDY BIDDY BOOM BOOM _

_LLAMAS GOIN' DOWN!_

Then, instantly, the three of them fell asleep right where they were, exhausted.

* * *

Hurray! A positive ending! So, our three heroes have figured out they must find the mysterious Shiny Carrot. What lies ahead of them on this perilous quest? Will it really be that perilous? Find out next time in Llama Mamas! 

A/N: That thing about Link saying girls were like melons, it was a joke. Don't be offended by it, and if you are, lighten up. You're going to here jokes A LOT more offensive than that, if it was offensive at all. Again, it was just a joke made by Link, which made it a BIIIIG joke.


	5. Guardian of the Shiny Carrot

Last time in "Llama Mamas" . . .

_Kakariko Village was in a state of panic. People were running around everywhere. Each and everyone screaming about something different. _

_"They took my slippers!"_

_"Why does everything bad happen to US?"_

_"My house! They destroyed my house!"_

_And so on and so on. _

_"Man, you leave this place one day, and the next day its just completely gone south!" Link stated, looking around at the panicking villagers._

_"Indeed," said Zelda, also looking around. "Well, I guess we should get started."_

_"But where should we start?" asked Navi._

_"Um . . . let's try over there!" said Link, pointing to the area where the chicken lady normally was._

_Zelda and Navi agreed, and the three of them walked towards the chicken lady. Once there, Navi turned towards Zelda and Link._

_"Now guys, we need to try to act normal," she said. "If the people think that we're purposely looking for the llamas, they may freak out and kill us or something."_

_"Why would they do that?" asked Link._

_"Um . . . I don't know! Just leave everything to me!" And with that, Navi flew towards the chicken lady._

_"Hello, Miss. How are you?" _

_The chicken lady turned to Navi. Once their eyes met, she screamed and ran away._

_"GLOWING THING! GLOWING THING!" she screamed._

_

* * *

_

_Inside the windmill, it was completely dark. Well, it wasn't dark for long. Navi had long ago ridded herself the window tinting suit, and the room was dimly lit with her brilliant light._

_The windmill was completely abandoned. How did they know? Well, the spider webs in the corners sort of provided an obvious hint, and the dust that had collected provided hints, too. _

_"What a dump," Zelda said looking around. "Dusty, too."_

_"Very much unlike the time I came here last," said Link. "Right Navi?"_

_"What do you want, a cookie?" asked Navi agitatedly._

_"Yes . . ."_

_Navi let out a frustrated sigh and looked around some more. Dust, dust, more dust. WOAH! A SPIDER! And some more dust, some murals on the wall, dust again, and . . . MURALS ON THE WALL?_

_"Hey guys! Check it out! I found something!" said the fairy excitedly. Link and Zelda soon found what she was talking about, and the three of them walked over to the murals._

_They all looked like some kind of ancient Indian wall paintings. One of them showed llamas standing in front of what looked like a burning Earth. Then, another showed a carrot, with a llama running away from it. _

_A llama running away from a carrot? That made no since! _

_"How come that one painting shows a llama running away from a carrot?" asked Link. _

_"I don't know," said Zelda. "Maybe llama's hate carrots?"_

_"No. Llamas eat just about anything," said Navi, looking closer at the painting. "Take a closer look. That's not a normal carrot."_

_Zelda and Link moved forward, and indeed, the carrot was not normal. It was a golden color, and it looked like to have some kind of brilliant radiance to it. _

_"Well, we know it's not normal," said Zelda. "It's gold. Does that mean that it houses some kind of good?"_

_"I guess so," said Navi. "But it doesn't look COMPLETELY gold. More like a goldish orange. Or, maybe it's orange, but it's sparkly and shiny. Hard to say."_

_"Should we go see if any villagers know about carrots?" Link asked. _

_"Well, I know carrots go great in a carrot salad," said Zelda. "And they're also real tasty when cooked, especially with a light coating of butter, and . . ."_

_"Let's go, Miss Einstein," said Navi, dragging Zelda out of the windmill. Link followed. _

_Once back outside, the three investigators wondered who would have a lot of carrots._

_"Well Link, retrace your adventure. That might help some."_

_"Well," said Link, putting a finger to his chin. "I got the three spiritual stones, got the Ocarina of Time, gave Ganondorf the world on a silver platter, got a horse . . ."_

_"That's it!" exclaimed Navi. "Lon-Lon Ranch! They have carrots!"_

_

* * *

_

_"I found it!" said Zelda, 3 hours after they had been to the castle library. Navi and Link flew/ran over to her and peered inside the book. Sure enough, there was a shiny carrot!_

_"Well, what does it say?" Link asked._

_"It says it's called the Shiny Carrot," Zelda began, reading from the book._

_"WOAH!" said Navi. "IMAGINE THAT!"_

_"Shush," said Zelda. "The Shiny Carrot is believed to have powers that can stop willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas. It is believed that long ago, an Indian tribe bowed down to the Shiny Carrot, and prayed that all willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas to be banned from the Earth."_

_"What else?" asked Link._

_"Mmm . . . bad news guys. The book says that chances are, it's just a myth."_

_"But it can't be a myth!" Navi shouted. "We're dealing with willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas!"_

_"Hey Zelda, does it say anything about where the Shiny Carrot could be hidden."_

_"Mmm . . ." Zelda said, scanning the book. "There's a poem here that has to do with the location, I think."_

_"Read it."_

_And here's what the book said:_

_Over the hills and far away,_

_Teletubbies come to play!_

_"Woah woah woah, wait Zelda," Navi said. "You skipped over to the 'T' section."_

_"Whoops!" Zelda said, realizing her error. She continued to scan through the book until she said, "Ah! Here it is! The Shiny Carrot was last located in the strongholds of the Kakariko Village Graveyard."_

_"So that's where we need to go!" Navi said. "We've now figured out a plan, and we can stop the llamas!"_

_"YAY!" Zelda and Link shouted out in unison. They then began to chant. "NO MORE LLAMAS! NO MORE LLAMAS!"_

_"NO MORE STINKIN' LLAMA MAMAS!" Navi shouted just in time._

_Then, all three of them shouted._

_"WE SHALL FIND THE SHINY CARROT_

_BIDDY BIDDY BOOM BOOM_

_LLAMAS GOIN' DOWN!"_

_"But first, we must sleep," said Link, stopping the chanting and in a dull voice. Zelda and Navi nodded._

_"He's right . . . I'm tired," Zelda said, yawning._

_"Besides, we've got a big day tomorrow!" Navi shouted._

_Then the three recited their chant again._

_NO MORE LLAMAS!_

_NO MORE LLAMAS!_

_NO MORE STINKIN' LLAMA MAMAS!_

_WE SHALL FIND THE SHINY CARROT_

_BIDDY BIDDY BOOM BOOM _

_LLAMAS GOIN' DOWN!_

_Then, instantly, the three of them fell asleep right where they were, exhausted._

_

* * *

_

Chapter 5: Guardian of the Shiny Carrot

Zelda, Link, and Navi stood outside the entrance to the Kakariko Village Graveyard. They had been there for about 10 minutes already, wondering what they would need to do once they went inside. They had just started to receive weird glances from the villagers, until Zelda decided that it would be easier to find out what to do once they went inside.

Link and Navi nodded, and the three of them walked inside the graveyard.

Once in the graveyard, all three of them looked around. It was a frightening place, filled with weathering tombstones, ruined walkways, and a feeling in the air, a feeling eerie enough to wet your pants. And indeed, that's what happened. A gust of wind blew into the direction of Zelda, causing her to wet herself.

"Aw man!" Zelda said, breaking the silence in the graveyard. "Why does this always happen to me?"

"Ah, don't be so sad, Zelda!" said Navi. "This happens to Link all of the time!"

"Yeah, don't be sad, it . . . hey!" Link said, giving Navi an angry look.

Zelda did her best to get the wet spot to go away, and once she pretty much succeeded, she looked around the graveyard some more. "Well, we _are_ here," she said. "Now what do we do?"

"Um . . ." said Navi, looking around. "Perhaps we could ask Impa? She probably knows a lot about the area around here . . ."

"That," said Link, "or we could go to that obviously placed tombstone in the corner, with a carrot etched onto its face."

"Link," said Zelda, "I've been here lots of times. There is no tomb with a carrot on it!"

"Uh, hate to break it to you, Zelda," said Navi, also looking in the direction Link was looking at, "but there _is_ a tomb with a carrot on it."

Zelda sighed, then looked over to where they were. And indeed, there was a carrot on it.

"Oh . . ." she thought, disappointed that she was wrong. "But, it was never here when I last came here!"

"When was the last time you came here?" asked Navi.

"14 years ago."

"You mean you came into a graveyard when you were _3_?" asked Navi in shock.

"Yeah!"

"But, that's amazing! Most kids get freaked out when they go into a graveyard! Link got so freaked out by the ReDeads when he was 10 and slept in his sock drawer for days!"

"No. I'm just special!" said Zelda, striking a pose.

"Speaking of sleeping for days, where did our young idiot go to?" asked Navi, looking around. Link was already at the grave, studying it. Such a big word for Link!

Navi and Zelda soon joined him. "What's it say?" asked Navi, now also studying the grave closer. 

"Here lies the Guardian of the Shiny Carrot, Charles Manson," said Link, reading off of the gravestone with ease. "Helter Skelter, everyone! Helter Skelter!" Link stood up, proud of his reading.

"Charles Manson?" said Navi, confused. "Shouldn't he be in a place called America?"

"What's an America?" asked Zelda, confused.

"I don't know . . . It just sounds like a place where you could find someone like that," Navi responded, wondering where she got the name "America" from. "It's like something other than me is controlling my mind," she said, "telling me what to do and what to say."

"I have that feeling too," said Link, suddenly butting in. "It's creepy, ain't it?"

Navi nodded. "Well, I guess we're gonna have to enter."

Link rubbed his hands together and pulled on the gravestone, revealing a small hole. Link jumped in, followed by Zelda, then Navi.

* * *

The inside of the tomb looked just like all of the others: a dark look to it with bluish-gray walls. Little bones were scattered everywhere, but they didn't look like human bones, more like chicken.

"There doesn't seem to be any kind of ghost or something in here," said Zelda, looking around. "The guardian of the Shiny Carrot is very guardian like."

"Speaking of which, where is the Shiny Carrot?" asked Link.

Navi rolled her eyes. "Well DUH, Link! It's a sacred relic! Surely it has got to be hidden better!"

"She's right, dude," came a voice from behind them.

"What was that?" asked Navi, now scared.

"I don't know! It sounded like it was coming from behind us!" said Zelda, also scared. Link started to chatter his teeth from fright and nodded to Zelda's remark.

"Don't be afraid, dudes!" came the voice again. "It's me! Charles Manson!"

The three looked around and indeed, there sat Charles Manson, X on his forehead and everything.

"ACK!" screamed Navi. "I _do _remember! He's Charles Manson, mass hippy murderer of the sixties!"

(A/N: To find out more about Charles Manson, ask your mommy and daddy, kids! Don't be afraid! He's only a killer!)

"ACK!" screamed Zelda and Link in unison.

"But you're supposed to be locked up in California, USA!" said Navi. "What the freak are you doing here?!?!?"

"Chill, Fairy Dude-ness Dude," said Manson, holding his hands up in the air in "back off" fashion. "I was sitting in my humble jail cell, minding my own business, 'till I saw a bright flash of light in my cell!" he said, making hand motions and everything.

"Go on," said Navi, eyeing the hippy suspiciously.

"I was confused beyond belief!" said Manson, again making hand motion, crazy enough to rival Johnny Depp in "Pirates of the Caribbean". "I didn't take any drugs that day, they had all been taken away from me! It was then that a shiny figure approached me and told me to come into the light."

"Then what?" asked Zelda, regaining her composure and trying to get Link away from her. He was trying to hide behind her back.

"I said to the figure, 'Hey! You can't be Jesus! _I'm_ Jesus!', but then he said 'Shut up and get into the light!' I was scared beyond belief, and did as he told. I could feel myself being sucked into another dimension, and then I heard him say that because George Harrison and Jimmy Stewart were dead, it was up to me as his 3rd favorite famous/infamous celebrity to guard the Shiny Carrot. I found myself here, and he told me to guard the carrot with my life and never let anyone take it, except for the three who were destined to stop willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas."

"For some reason, I believe you," said Navi. "Just don't kill us, OK?"

"I won't. He told me that if I killed the three who were destined to stop willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas, he would make me listen to The Beatles "White Album", OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again!"

(A/N: Go to the A&E Biography website and search for "Manson". You'll see what The Beatles have anything to do with him.)

"Well, I guess that would be bad for you, then," said Zelda, trying to picture Charles Manson in a straight jacket in front of a record player, listening to "Helter Skelter" over and over again. "Would you believe that we are the three to stop the llamas?"

"Of course I would, he told me what you would look like," Manson replied. "I'm not supposed to give it over that easily, though. You'll have to do something for me."

"What would that be?" asked Navi, thinking of how bad it would be if she and Zelda were forced to join the Manson Family.

"You must sing a song with me!"

Zelda and Navi sighed in relief. Link had long ago passed out on the floor from lack of oxygen, because he was too afraid to move in front of Manson, and breathing was considered moving.

"What do we need to sing?" asked Zelda. She loved to sing, and she always wondered what it would be like to sing with a famous/infamous person. She was going to get her chance!

"We shall sing the song that drove me crazy!" Manson replied. He went to another area of his one-room grave and pulled out an LP. He then went over to another area of the grave and grabbed an old record player. He slipped the LP into the player, and music began to blare. He danced around at his success and began to sing.

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide  
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride  
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again.  
Do you, don't you want me to love you.

Zelda clapped as she remember the song, the she began to sing as well.

I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you.  
Tell me tell me tell me come on tell me the answer.  
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Navi bobbed up and down, and soon all three of them were singing.

Helter Skelter!

Helter Skelter!

Helter Skelter!

Will you, won't you want me to make you.  
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you.  
Tell me tell me tell me the answer.  
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Look out Helter Skelter

Helter Skelter

Helter Skelter

Look out, cause here she comes.  
When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide  
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride  
And I get to the bottom and I see you again.

Well do you, don't you want me to love you.  
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you.  
Tell me tell me tell me the answer.  
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Well do you, don't you want me to love you.  
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you.  
Tell me tell me tell me the answer.  
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Look out helter skelter helter skelter  
Helter skelter  
Look out helter skelter  
She's coming down fast

Yes she is

Yes she is

The song ended, and Manson, Zelda, and Navi threw a fist into the air and shouted "Yeah!"

"That was fun!" said Manson, clapping his hands several times. "I shall give you the Shiny Carrot!"

"Link! Wake up!" Zelda said, pulling a stick out of her pocket and poking him with it. "We got the Shiny Carrot!"

"Shiny . . ." muttered Link, still a bit unconscious.

"LINK!" shouted Navi. "MANSON'S GOT A KNIFE! RUN!"

"I'M RUNNING!" yelled Link as he shot up and started to run around the tomb. He was screaming his head off, but all Navi and Zelda could do was stare at him in disbelief.

"I can't believe that actually worked," said Navi to herself. "Oh well. Hey Manson! Give us the carrot, please!"

"Yes, yes," said Manson. "Here." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. He walked to the back of the tomb, where he put the key inside of a little slot. The back wall rose from the ground, and behind it was a large treasure chest.

"It's in the chest," said Manson, smiling. "I can't really guard the carrot anymore, so I shall go back to California!" And with that, he was gone with a flash of bright light.

Navi looked at Zelda, Zelda looked at Link, Link looked at Navi. Then they all shouted for joy and ran towards the treasure chest. After a few minutes of beating eachother up to see who would open the chest, Navi used all of her strength and pushed the lid open.

An orange light filled the room as the fairy reached in to grab the contents of the chest. She pulled out the most beautiful carrot any of them had every seen! More beautiful, in fact, than the carrots of Zelda's vegetable collection!

The three of them performed a group hug.

"I can't believe we got it so easily!" said Navi as she wiped a tear from her face.

"Me neither!" said Zelda, balling her eyes out.

"I'm hungry!" said Link, eyeing the Shiny Carrot hungrily.

"Bad Link!" said Zelda, slapping Link's hand. "We must defeat the llamas!"

"All we need now is a plan," said Navi.

Link, suffering from his efforts to eat the Shiny Carrot and not succeeding, walked to the back of the tomb to pout. There, he noticed something scribbled on the wall in messy handwriting.

"Hey guys!" said Link as he observed the wall. "I think I found something!"

"What?" said Zelda as she walked to where Link was.

Link pointed to the inscription and said, "Look at this."

Zelda read the inscription, absorbing every word.

_Shiny Carrot can defeat one llama_

_But to defeat the more than one llama_

_You need a bigger Shiny Carrot_

_You need a bigger Shiny Carrot_

_To defeat more than one llama_

_So redundant, I am_

_So redundant, I am, I am_

_So redundant, redundant so_

_To Lake Hylia you go!_

_Ask the scientist, man_

_The scientist knows_

_And he's not redundant_

_This poem was brought to you by: Charles Manson_

__

"Well apparently," said Navi, who had also read the inscription, "The scientist at Lake Hylia knows how to make the Shiny Carrot bigger. Then, we should be able to defeat the llamas!"

"Off to Lake Hylia, then!" said Link, throwing his arms in the air.

And it was done. They exited the grave, then Kakariko, and finally made their way to Lake Hylia.

* * *

What does the scientist know about the Shiny Carrot? Would he even know about the llamas? Why is Charles Manson the author's 3rd famous/infamous person? Why is George Harrison the first and Jimmy Stewart the second? Do you even care? Stay tuned for the next Llama mamas!


	6. Seek Help

A/N: The clips from the last chapter part of the fanfic are going to be discontinued, do to the fact that I don't really enjoy doing it.

* * *

Chapter 6: Seek Help

Our three heroes are now busy journeying across the vast fields of Hyrule. Zelda and Link rode on Epona, while Navi flew beside them. Zelda griped about how the wind was messing up her hair, and Link kept groaning from a wedgie he had. About 10 minutes later, they reached the vast shores of Lake Hylia.

"Crap," said Zelda, frantically trying to straighten her hair. "It's like I just got it teased or something."

"No," said Link, shaking his head and looking at the mass of golden fluff. "Hair doesn't have feelings. You can't be teased if you have no feelings."

Navi sighed a frustrated sigh and made her way towards the Lake Hylia laboratory. "Let's just go and ask this guy, now."

Link nodded and grabbed Zelda by her arm, dragging her across the ground to the laboratory.

Link, who had walked in on the scientist many times before, simply opened the door as if it were his own. Zelda and Navi simply followed Link. Once inside, they noticed the place looked like what it normally did, much unlike the Windmill.

However, they noticed the figure of the lake scientist cowering in a corner.

"Woah," said Link, making his way over to the Lake Hylia scientist, AKA Mr. Bob. "What's up with him?" He reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, but right before he could do so, Mr. Bob turned around and attempted to bite Link's hand. Quick at reflexes, Link took his hand back and screamed.

"WOAH!" said Navi. "Lay off the stimulants, man!"

"GO AWAY!" yelled Mr. Bob, who stared at our heroes with somewhat disturbing eyes. "GO!"

"Mr. Bob? Remember me?" asked Zelda, pushing a paranoid Link aside and taking a step towards the now crazy scientist.

"RACK!" screamed Mr. Bob, who then suddenly lunged at Zelda, fangs stuck out.

"ACK!" screamed Zelda as Mr. Bob grabbed hold of her already damaged hair. Zelda flapped him about a bit, and then spun her hair around to where Mr. Bob hit the closest wall. Mr. Bob lost his grip on Zelda, and now laid on the floor in an unconscious heap.

"That guy . . . scary . . ." said Link, as he slowly came over his new and sudden fear of Mr. Bob.

"Well, Manson said that the Lake Hylia scientist knows," said Navi. "But now the Lake Hylia scientist is a victim of LSD, and is now on the floor lying in a heap. What should we do?"

"Don't know," said Zelda, scratching her head and damaging her hair even more. "Split up and look for clues!"

Zelda and Navi fanned out, while Link curled up in a ball in the middle of the room, looking around with frantic eyes to see if any other scary scientists were lurking around.

After about an hour of searching, Navi shouted. "Look at this!" she shouted.

Zelda ran towards the white ball of light and sees what Navi is talking about. "NAVI!" she screamed. "WE CAN'T READ HIS JOURNAL! IT'S AN INVASION OF HIS PRIVACY!"

"Oh shut up," said Navi, rolling her (invisible fairy) eyes. "If he didn't want us to read his journal, he wouldn't have it lying around. And besides, you do it all the time."

Zelda opened her mouth, then close it, and opened her mouth again. "True, but I don't do it _all_ the time."

"This is my first," said Navi, nervously.

"Oh sure. Your first what? _Journal_? What else have you gone into?"

"STOP IT!" yelled the fairy. "Just read it, OK?"

"Alright," said Zelda. "Don't get your socks in a knot."

"Socks . . . in a . . . knot?" asked the fairy, eyeing the princess strangely.

"Sure . . ." said Zelda, noticing the gayness of her comment. "Hey Link! Wake up and come read this with us!"

"OK!" said Link, suddenly perking up and heading over towards them.

"Alright, let's see . . ." said Zelda, flipping through the pages of the journal. "I guess we should start at the beginning. Hmm . . . The first date is . . . August 14, 1969!"

"This journal is 35 years old," said the fairy, eyeing the journal with suspension.

"Meaning?"

"Mr. Bob was a hippy."

"Ugh," said Zelda, thinking of the thought of the now old geezer walking around in tye-dye clothes. She then decided to just read the diary.

August 14, 1969 

_Today, I headed for a magical land called Woodstock. I'm going there because there is a music festival that is to take place for three days! Personally, I can't wait 'till I get there! The festival is to take place tomorrow._

"Wait, stop," said Navi, motioning for Zelda to stop. "Skip ahead to where we might get to some important stuff. Just skim or something."

"OK," said Zelda, briefly looking at all the pages of the diary. Finally she caught something that seemed interesting.

"What is it?" asked Navi, noticing Zelda's sudden stop.

"I think I found something. Listen."

_July 19, 1985_

_Today I have started a new research project in my secret and most advanced laboratory in Moscow, Russia. While driving along in my BMW 325I, I noticed a large camel-like animal roaming around the weirdo region. I had never seen anything so great before, and decided to do research on it. I have captured the animal for further research and have brought it here to Moscow. Hopefully, my assistants and I will find out more on it tomorrow. _

_July 21, 1985_

_After much research, my assistants and I discovered that the rare animal we captured was called the "llama". We were fascinated with the llama, and decided why not clone the animal to make more llamas? So we did. We decided to name that llama, to be remembered for its moment of fame in science. We named him General Lenin. _

_July 22, 1985_

_We just now decided that it would be a great idea for llamas to have the same brain capacity as a human. We put General Lenin to sleep, and while he was, I operated on him. I switched his tiny brain with a human one that I had preserved. He has yet to wake up, so we decided we should clone him now while he was still asleep. There is little time left!_

_July 25, 1985_

_The cloning process is over, and we have made a terrible mistake. General Lenin and the clones woke up, and after they realized what had become of them, attacked my assistants. I am the only survivor. I managed to flee from the lab unharmed, and I know for a fact that the llamas are still there. I believe that they may be using it for their own purposes. _

_October 2, 1986_

_In have never told a soul about this, but I had put security cameras in my secret lab in Moscow. The footage recorded on those cameras are sent to my small lab at Lake Hylia in Hyrule. That is where I have been taking refuge, and remain secluded from the outside world._

_The llamas, under the rule of General Lenin, are building weapons of mass destruction to destroy the world. I know it was because of me . . . Because of my research, I have put the world into peril. _

_I can't think straight anymore! I'm becoming insane! I know that the police are going to come to bring me to the Hyrule Insane Asylum. I received a letter from them. I now regret to say that I wish the best of luck to General Lenin and the clones. If you wish to bring destruction to the world . . . LET THEM BE!_

"If you with to bring destruction to the world . . ." Zelda read aloud again. "I don't like this anymore, Navi."

"Indeed, it seems a lot more serious than it was before," said the fairy, a tint of worry in her voice. "I don't know how long it will be before the llamas finish the gun and fire it. But we need to hurry! What do we need to get to enlarge the Shiny Carrot?"

Zelda skimmed through the journal once more and said, "There's something in here about the Gerudos. Maybe _they_ have it?"

"I guess," said Navi, shrugging. "Where's Link?"

"Link!" called Zelda. She soon spotted Link, who was sitting next to the knocked out scientist, poking him with a stick. Every poke, Link let out an immature giggle.

"Stop it!" said Zelda, now very mad.

"Aw . . ." said Link, as he pocketed the stick. "Fine."

Just then, Mr. Bob's hand came up and reached for Link. The three screamed and ran out of the lab as fast as they could. Before they left, Zelda looked back at Mr. Bob and said "Yo, freak man! Seek help!" She then ran away with the others.

* * *

"Well, we're here," said Link, looking at the Gerudo Fortress. Had he forgotten his Membership Card, he would be put in jail while Zelda and Navi were free to run around, and problem turn poor Epona into glue.

Link, Zelda, and Navi walked towards the entrance of the fortress. There, they found two guards practicing for the annual Pudding Wrestling Competition.

"Hello, ladies," said Link in his most suave voice. The two pudding warriors looked up and noticed their old friend.

"Link!" the both said as they tried to stand up, but because of the puddingness, they couldn't. They crawled over to Link, and each tried to hug him. Link, who couldn't help but notice the gallons upon gallons of chocolate pudding on the floor, tried to contain himself from diving in. Soon enough, the guards managed to make their way towards him.

"Watcha need?" asked the first Gerudo guard.

"Well, we need to see Nabooru," said Zelda, who was just in time to stop Link from saying whatever he was going to say.

"Ah," said the second Gerudo guard, nodding her head. "Right this way."

And so, a series of doors came and went and came. Soon enough, they found themselves in front of a large door with the Gerudo "sign" on it.

"Please, step in," said the first Gerudo guard. The two guards tried to bow to our heroes, but because of the now dry and crusty pudding, they couldn't. Unable to move, they stood where they were.

Link pushed open the door and stepped inside, along with Zelda and Navi. They noticed Nabooru sitting on the opposite side of the room, sitting behind a very official looking desk with some official looking stuff on it. She was wearing a monocle and a visor and frantically writing something on a very official looking piece of paper.

Nabooru looked up when she heard the door open, and WOAH! There was Link! Zelda and Navi were there, too!

"Link! Zelda! Navi!" shouted Nabooru, clapping her hands and grinning. "Welcome to my office!"

"Hello Nab!" said Link, waving at his Gerudo friend. "We got something to ask you."

"Spill it."

"Well," said Zelda, thinking of words to say. "We need to know if the Gerudo's have some sort of device that makes things bigger."

"Oooh," said Nabooru, nodding. "Yes, we do." She then pulled out a stenopad and began to write the following words:

_Subject Name: Zelda_

"Tell me, Zelda," said Nabooru, looking up from the stenopad. "Why do you want to do this? It doesn't look like you need it."

"We need it to defeat the slipper stealing llamas!"

"Ah . . ." said Nabooru, making a disgusted look on her face. "Yeah, I know about them . . ." Then, with another disgusted look on her face, wrote down the following words:

_Reason: To satisfy the needs of lonely llamas_

"Zelda? May I ask you a question?" Nabooru asked, looking up from the stenopad.

"Yeah," said Zelda. "That's what you've kind of been doing, anyway."

"Uh . . . right. Anyway, Zelda, what you're doing is wrong."

"Why?"

"Because, you can't just give into the llamas so they'll stop threatening people! What they're doing is sexual harassment!"

"Sexual . . . harassment?"

"Yes!"

"Uh . . . Nab. That's, not what I'm here for," said Zelda.

"Well then what else would you need to use our growing device for?" Nabooru then looked at Link's waist, and then said "Oooh!"

"Good grief, woman!" said Navi, looking at Nabooru disgustingly. "What's up with you?"

"I can't help it, fairy!" said Nabooru, looking threatening at Navi. "That's the only reason why we use our growing device!"

"Well . . ." said Zelda, thinking of ways to still get the growing device. "Could we _use_ it for this shiny thing?" Zelda then reached into her pocket and pulled out the Shiny Carrot. The room soon had an orange glow to it, and Nabooru widened her eyes.

"That is a funky carrot," said Nabooru, looking at the Shiny Carrot strangely.

"Indeed. But we need it to be bigger to help defeat the llamas."

"OK! Hold on just a minute . . ." she then reached into her desk drawer and rummaged through some stuff. After about a minute, she came upon what she was looking for!

"This is called the Growing Device!"

"Ooh, what a unique name," said Navi, sarcastically.

Nabooru pulled out a small metal machine of sorts with weird rods. Go on, make up a machine!

"Let me see your carrot, please."

Zelda handed over the carrot to Nabooru, and Nabooru put the carrot inside the machine. She then pressed a button, and then, a mass explosion took place.

Or the_ sound_ of a mass explosion took place. Same thing.

There was a bright flash, and soon the carrot grew to what seemed like 6 feet! The room glowed a much more brilliant orange.

"Problem solved!" said Nabooru, placing the carrot in front of Zelda. "Now go and defeat those llamas!"

"Great!" said Zelda. "Now we can finally show those llamas who's boss!"

"Yeah!" said Navi. Then, her face grew a puzzled look. "How do we get it to the castle?"

Zelda looked at Navi, Navi looked at Link, then Zelda looked at Link. Link looked at Zelda _and_ Navi.

"What?" he asked.

* * *

YAY! The three defenders of good have completed their task of getting the Shiny Carrot! Now all they have to do is get it to the castle, then go to Moscow, Russia! How will they accomplish such tasks? Find out in the next chapter of Llama Mamas!


	7. Revenge of the Bird

Chapter 7: Revenge of the Bird

"Initiating launch sequence in five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . ."

"Zelda," interrupted Navi. "All we're doing is traveling in a hot air balloon. It's not like we're taking some kind of launch that will throw us HIGH into the earth's atmosphere and cause us to turn into tiny flaming wads."

Zelda stopped and thought for a moment. "Yeah . . . you're right." She shrugged and said in a cheerful voice, "Well in that case, sit and get ready to fly!" She then turned on the gas and up, up they went. It wasn't too long before they were at least 500 feet in the air.

"That's perfect," said Link, looking over the side of the basket. "We're at a steady altitude."

"Thanks!" said Zelda, smiling. "You're pretty perfect, too!"

"Wait a minute Zelda," said Navi, quickly. "Think about that for a minute."

Again, Zelda thank. "Whoops . . . Uh . . . Nope. Nope, you're not perfect, Link."

Link frowned and looked at the woven basket floor. He then perked up and shouted, "WOAH! I can see through the floor of the basket! AND WE'RE _FLYING_!"

"Yeah, definitely not perfect," said Navi, rolling her eyes at Link's stupidness.

"So, uh . . . How long will it take to get to Moscow at this rate?" asked Zelda, looking towards Navi.

"By the speed we're traveling it should take about . . . 7 days?"

"OH MY DAD!" said Zelda, panic struck.

"Oh my . . . dad?"

"THERE IS _NO_ WAY I CAN STAY THAT LONG IN HERE! IT'S TOO TINY! AND I HAVE TO WEAR THE SAME CLOTHES FOR OVER A WEEK NOW!"

"Do you even know where Moscow is?"

"Uh . . . no."

Navi, for probably the most times she has done in a chapter, rolled her eyes once more. "Idiot."

"Wait . . ." said Link, holding a hand in the air. "I think I just thunk."

"OK," said Zelda, getting over her terrorizing moment. "Think outloud, then."

"How do I go to the bathroom? I mean, you can go because I'll just forget the next minute, but how do _I_ go?"

"Eh . . ." said Navi, eyeing Zelda. Zelda stared back at Navi, confused. "Um . . . Go over the basket while we cover our eyes, I guess."

"OK!" said Link, grinning, eyes close, and waving is head back and forth.

"So uh . . . what do we do until we get there?" asked Zelda.  
  
"Mmm . . . Let's sing a song!"

"Good idea!"

"What do we want to sing?" asked Link.

"I think we should sing . . . 'Another Brick in the Wall' by Pink Floyd!" said Zelda.

"No way!" said Navi. "Too addicting! Let's sing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' by Cyndi Lauper!"

"And you think 'Another Brick in the Wall' is addicting?" asked Zelda. She then tried to sing in mock Cyndi Lauper voice. "Girls, they wanna have fu-un!"

"You don't **deserve** to sing like Cyndi!" shouted Navi, angered.

"Well you don't deserve to call Pink Floyd addicting!" Zelda shouted back.

"WHEN THE WORKING DAY IS DONE! OH GIRLS! THEY WANNA HAVE FUN!" sang Navi as loud as she could.

"HEY! TEACHER! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!" sang Zelda in Navi's face.

"Let's sing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana!" said Link, butting in on the argument.

"NO!" both shouted Navi and Zelda. Then, Zelda said, "The next thing we need to hear you do is scream!"

"True . . ." said Link, frowning. The two girls continued their rant, until Link thought of another brilliant idea. "Hey Navi, we wouldn't know anything about the llamas if it wasn't for Zelda."

"Yeah. What's your point?"

"Let's make a song parody in honor of Zelda."

"That's a good idea! Let's parody 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds!' by The Beatles"!

"OK!"

Zelda rolled her eyes. Yeah. This was gonna suck.

Because the author doesn't want to stop his wonderful lyrics to tell you who is singing, he has created a little chart to explain what Link sings and what Navi sings using different fonts.

Normal font is when Link sings.

_Italicized font is when Navi sings._

_**Bold and Italicized is when both Link and Navi sing.**_

**_Bold, Italicized, and Underlined is when Link sings with Navi in a high pitch._**

_Picture yourself in a courtyard on Sunday_

_With royal young maidens_

_And blazing hot sun_

_Go inside with her _

_You see someone standing_

_It looks like llamas on the run!_

Go now to Impa and ask her about

Why there was something else there

Go to the bathroom to find all your slippers

Are gone.

_Zelda in the sky with carrots!_

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**AAAAAH!**_

_Summon the fairy and the tall blond hero Who are all real crazy, and pissed off_

_And stuff_

_Make the fairy go _

_On top-secret mission_

_The llamas will blow the world up!_

Go now to Graveyard in Kakariko

Where ex-mass killers lie in vain

Sing with him "Helter Skelter" by the band

And we're gone.

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**AAAAAAAH!**_

_Now you've got all the shiny crap that we need_

_To make all the llamas_

_Just cower and run_

_Now we must journey to _

_Old jolly Moscow_

_In this big balloon oh what fun!_

Zelda in the sky with carrots!

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**AAAAAAAH AAAAAAH!**_

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**Zelda in the sky with carrots!**_

_**AAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAH!**_

And then it happened. Right as the fairy and the hero were about to finish their song, something cut them off short. A gust of wind rapidly flew by them, scaring the crap our of our favorite hero dude.

No, not Link! Zelda! Link is too busy screaming!

"Link! Shut up!" shouted the princess, revived from her panic. Link stopped. He then looked around in confusion and asked simply . . .

"Where's Navi?"

They then heard a scream from the distance. A _terrified_ scream from the distance.

"Woah!" shouted Zelda. "A scream from the distance!"

"A _terrified_ scream from the distance!" said Link, adding drama to the exclamation.

"YES YOU IDIOTS!" cried the voice that made the scream. "JUST SHUT UP AND SAVE ME!"

Link looked up and pointed. Zelda looked up as well, to see a bird with Navi in its talons.

Navi recognized the bird easily. It was the bird that she had accidentally rammed into when she got blasted out of the llamas' cannon.

"We shall save you Navi!" shouted Zelda as she pulled out her famed bazooka. She aimed and fired.

The bullet, or shell . . . or something . . . what do you fire out of a bazooka anyway? Oh well. The whatever came out and hit the bird right in the head, causing it to drop Navi out of its talons. And, like all things must do, Navi fell.

Navi, not really caring what was going to happen to her sorry life anymore, fell. She fell, and she fell, and she fell some more!

Thinking quickly, Zelda aimed her bazooka at Navi. The countless times of watching Pokemon told her that bazooka's can magically shoot nets instead of ammo. So she took fire, and sure enough, a net came out instead of a lethal weapon of death.

The net wrapped itself around Navi miraculously, and she was hoisted up to the hot air balloon.

* * *

"CRAP!" shouted an outraged General Lenin as he watched what was happening on the large computer monitor. "The Bird must be losing his touch!"

"What is the matter, Sir?" asked one of Lenin's advisors.

"The Bird just got the crap blown out of him by a bazooka!"

"That is a bummer, Sir."

"Indeed," said Lenin, inspecting the image of the hot air balloon that contained the girl and the singing couple. "How far away are they from us, McCarthey?"

"Approximately 20 miles, Sir."

"How long do you think it'll take for them to get here?"

"Uh . . . The author does not know, Sir."

"Does the author know if they can destroy us?"

"Let me check, Sir." McCarthey looked over to a boy of fourteen. He was in a straightjacket.

"Author kid, listen! Can the three in the balloon destroy the Llama Race?"

"Llama Race?" asked the confined boy. "Maybe yes, maybe no. I am the author, I am, I am. I can do with you as I please."

"Tell us! Or we will not release you!"

"That's not so bad," said the boy, smiling smugly. "I like the fact that I am not able to move. I feel so special."

"But if you are not release, you will not be able to play the new Paper Mario when it comes out!"

And in an instant, the boy's eyes bugged out of his head. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Indeed we would!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Just tell us already! The Reviewers are probably thinking your some kind of freak!"

"But I am a freak! A freak is the only kind of person that would write something like this! I mean, I'm making fun of my own freakiness! Now _that_ is freaky!"

"Just tell us!"

"Fine! Yes, they will!"

"Alright then!" McCarthey then walked back to General Lenin.

"Well?" asked Lenin. "Can they destroy us?"

"Enough to blow us up 100 times over, Sir."

"Poo."

* * *

Yeah. Like I said in the story, I'm going to be playing Paper Mario. As said in my profile, I'm not going to be able to update for a while because of it.

So sorry! Now please Review!


	8. The Final

A/N: This is it! The last chapter of Llama Mamas! Woo! I feel so relieved! I mean, uh . . . WAAAH! I'm so sad!

Anyway, I finally decided to get off of my lazy bum and update, but seeing that I am sitting while I write this, I am still not off of my lazy bum. Anyway, I played Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door enough times to satisfy me for a while, so this is why I'm updating.

And to get the fic over with, of course!

Anyway, I would like to thank all of the lovely Reviewers for reading my story. I didn't even think it would be that popular, but it sort of was! Or, popular enough to satisfy me, that is! Yay!

And now, the final chapter!

* * *

Chapter 8: The Final

"Grr . . ." murmured General Lenin as he studied his troops in front of him. "Indeed, we shall be ready for them. _Very _ready. Won't we, my little author friend?"

General Lenin looked behind him to see his hostage still secured in his straightjacket. But now, he was . . . asleep!

"ASLEEP?" shouted General Lenin. "HOW CAN HE BE ASLEEP? I'M HOLDING HIM HOSTAGE! I COULD END HIS LIFE AT ANY TIME I PLEASE!"

"Uh . . . Sir!" One of Lenin's most trusted advisors, Admiral McCartknee, ran up to him.

"Yes, Admiral?"

"Uh, we regret to inform you, Sir, that the hostage has escaped. What you see behind you is nothing but a cardboard cut-out."

Lenin, stunned beyond belief, soon discovered that this was true by taking a big bite out of the cutout head. "Mmm . . . a little salty, but not that bad. ADMIRAL!"

"Yes Sir?"

"Prepare me more of these cardboard things! I must have more of them!"

"Certainly Sir."

"And by the way, my good Admiral. Is the canon ready for firing?"

"I do not know, Sir. The only ones who know the canon's conditions are those who built it themselves."

"Very well. Send Professor Harrelson and Doctor Star over to me. NOW!"

"Certainly, Sir." And with that, McCartknee was gone.

Within a few moments, Harrelson and Star reported for duty, still in their lab coats.

"Ah, you have arrived!" exclaimed Lenin in delight. "Tell me, is the canon ready for fire?"

"Yes sir," said Harrelson, nodding the best he could. "But we are afraid to say that our escape rocket has yet to be fueled."

"Why haven't you filled it yet?"

Doctor Star shrugged. "Different reasons. I mean, we are allowed to have some fun, aren't we?"

Lenin nodded and sighed in sadness. "Yes. You are. But just because you are mockingly named after members of the Beatles does _not_ mean that you can have fun whenever you want! What if one of the lesser llamas, like Mig Chagger, for instance, accidentally set off the canon? We would have no escape rocket!"

Harrelson and Star nodded. "Right sir. We shall fuel the rocket now. Please just be patient." And with that, the two scientists were off.

"Mmm . . ." hummed Lenin. "The author boy was right. I am undoubtedly screwed."

* * *

"We are now arriving in Moscow!" shouted Zelda, lowering the gas pressure on the balloon. "Now all we have to do is wait until we hit the ground with a thud!"

And so they did.

_THUD!_

"That's our cue to get off!" shouted Link, jumping out of the basket. "Now all we have to do is find the llama base!"

"We're right in front of it," said Navi, pointing to the huge sign that read "Llama's Base, this way".

"Ha! I have found the entrance!" shouted Link as he ran towards the base. Zelda quickly followed, and Navi, having nothing else to do, followed as well.

Navi quickly recognized the base once she entered. It was, indeed, going to be easy to find the canon's lair, but first off, she had to find Link and Zelda as well.

"Crap," she said silently to herself. "You leave those two for one second and already their gone somewhere."

"EECK!" came a scream from one of the rooms. It sounded like Zelda!

"Zelda's in trouble!" shouted Navi to no one in particular, and flew off to where the noise seemed to be coming from. Flying through small hole in a the wall that led into the room where Zelda probably was. And indeed, Zelda was in the room, being attacked by a llama!

Or, at least, that's what it seemed to look like.

Zelda was actually attacking the llamas herself! And Link was also in the room, curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, shivering with fear!

"WAAAH!" screamed Zelda as she leapt towards the llama with more skill than a ninja. "SUDO CHOP!"

And the llama fell to the ground.

Zelda smiled to herself as she dusted of her hands. She turned around to see Navi, staring in awe, and Link, cowering in a corner.

"Looks like this place will be easy!" shouted Zelda. "If I can take on one llama by myself, then I wonder what the Shiny Carrot will be able to do!"

Navi continued to stare, and very slowly nodded her head in agreement. Link, seeing that the llama was gone, got up off of the floor and looked around.

"The only think in here is a door," said Link, eyeing a door in the far north of the room. "Can anyone hear anything come from it?"

Navi flew towards the door and put her invisible fairy ear up to it. "It sounds like a bunch of llamas, murmuring to each other."

"Can you hear what they're saying, Navi?" asked Zelda.

"Uh . . ." said Navi, listening harder. "They're saying, 'That fairy and her comrades better not come into this room! Otherwise, the canon could be destroyed!'"

"Would they really be talking that loud?" asked Zelda.

"Yeah . . . that's what they're saying."

"Well that was easier than I thought!" And with that, Zelda approached the door. She turned to Navi.

"Shiny Carrot at the ready?"

"Don't ask me! You're the one who has it!"

"Oh . . . yeah." Zelda pulled the now huge Shiny Carrot out of her pocket. But how the fitted the carrot in her pocket, Navi wasn't about to ask.

"Alright. On three . . . One . . . two . . . THREE!" Zelda rammed the door open and held the Shiny Carrot high above her head. The llamas looked at her, then the thing she was holding above her.

And they screamed.

They just screamed and ran away.

"HA HA!" shouted Link, now joining Zelda in the room. "This is great! I've never seen so many scared thingies in my life!"

"Hmmm . . ." hummed Navi to herself. "There it is! The canon!"

Zelda and Link quit they're laughing and looked at the device in the center of the room.

"That's the canon?" asked Zelda. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yeah. Just look at it! Doesn't it strike fear into your hearts?"

"No. Not really."

"Well, it should, lady," came a voice from somewhere outside of the room.

The trio turned their heads to see a llama with a general hat sitting on his head.

"That's the leader!" shouted Navi, remembering the face from the meeting she accidentally attended. "He's the one controlling the llamas!"

"Yes," said the llama. "I am General Lenin, and you are very foolish to step into my lair so boldly."

"Lenin?" asked Zelda, eyeing the llama weirdly. "You mean, like John Lennon?"

"NO!" said Lenin, getting very pissed. "As in the communist leader Lenin! Why does everyone think I'm John Lennon?"

"Uh . . ." Zelda looked at her two friends, who just shrugged. "We don't know. We just . . . do."

Lenin let out one last scream of anger and then sighed. "Whatever! I must destroy you three now! If you ever destroy my canon, you will at least know how the llamas never go down without a fight! ADMIRAL!"

Admiral McCartknee ran out of another room and into the room with Lenin. "Yes, Sir?"

"Destroy these three!"

"Yes Sir!"

McCartknee turned towards our heroes and gave a smug smile. "You're Shiny Carrot cannot make me tremble, fools!"

"And why is that?" asked Link, fear creeping inside of him.

"Because I have the power of . . . COLD TURKEY!"

Our heroes stared at the llama.

"Cold Turkey?" asked Zelda. "That's a Lennon song. Not a McCartney song!"

"What?" asked McCartknee. "It is not!"

"Is too!" shouted Navi back. "And we would know! The author lets us know!"

"And how would the author know about this?"

"Because!" shouted Link, summoning courage. "He has a 350 page book about them! ALL ABOUT THEM!"

"No . . ." said McCartknee, worriedly. "It can't be true."

"IT IS!" shouted our three heroes at once.

"NO!" And then, without warning, McCarknee . . . blew up.

"EW!" shouted our heroes and Lenin. "That was _weird_!"

"AGH!" said Lenin, once realizing that his second-in-command was destroyed. "THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU MYSELF!"

Lenin then leapt into a compartment of the canon. A glass shield covered his face, and a steering wheel emerged in front of him. The canon formed robotic legs and arms, and it was soon standing upright.

"MAGNUS VON GRAPPLE 3.0!" shouted Lenin. "DESTROY THESE PEOPLE!"

Our three heroes stood in shock, staring at the huge robot that was now in front of them.

"NO!" shouted Navi. "We can't do this! We need to the Crystal Stars!"

"The what?" asked Link and Zelda confusedly, turning to Navi and looking at her with blank faces.

"Uh . . . nothing."

"HA HA HA!" shouted Lenin from inside the cockpit of Magnus von Grapple. "You shall now see the terror of the Llama Race!"

And indeed, our heroes did see the terror, for they ran for the entrance. But it was locked! Our heroes were locked in with a giant robot that was on the verge of killing them!

"WAAH!" screamed our heroes as they turned around to look at the robot once more.

"And now I shall test the canon! ON YOU!" A compartment in the front of the robot opened up, and a large needle-like object came out from inside of it. It then began to glow green. The canon was charging!

"WAAH!" screamed our heroes once again, and right as the canon shot itself, they somehow managed to dive out of the way.

The canon hit the door that was locked them in, and instantly it melted into a puddle of mush.

The three heroes looked at eachother, then at the door. "WAAH!" they screamed again, and as fast as they could, ran out of the room and towards the entrance.

"BLAST!" shouted Lenin has he slammed his front hoofs on the control panel. "I hate you Magnus!"

Though robots do not have feelings, there is no doubt that Magnus von Grapple 3.0 would have been very sad.

Lenin, still needing to kill his enemies before they could summon help, used the robotic legs to charges over them. He broke through several walls, but he didn't care! He couldn't let the intruders escape!

General Lenin was able to find them. They were all outside of the base, but they were all looking at him braver than they had ever had before. And he soon saw the reason why.

The whole Russian army was standing behind them.

"Alright, evil llama thing!" came a voice on a loudspeaker. It was none other than Russian president Vladimir Putin!

"Eh?" said the confused Lenin, stopping the robot dead in his tracks.

"We have you surrounded! Give up now, or we will open fire at you!"

"YEAH!" shouted Link. "GIVE UP NOW!"

"YOU CAN NOT RESIST!" shouted Zelda.

"WE WILL BEAT YOU UP!" shouted Navi.

The whole Russian army cheered.

"AGH!" shouted Lenin. "You still cannot defeat me!" He once again began to charge up the canon.

"WAAH!" shouted our heroes and the Russian army as they all ducked out of the way.

"There's no use!" shouted Zelda to Navi. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know!" shouted the fairy, fear in her voice. "I've never been so confused!"

"Me neither! Perhaps there's some way to weaken him?"

"I don't know! Wait . . . where's Link?!?!"

Zelda and Navi stopped, and they were amazed at what they saw. Link was standing right in front of the canon!"

"LINK! YOU IDIOT!" shouted Zelda. "GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

Link did not get out of the way. Instead, he nobly reached into his pocket and pulled out . . . silly putty?

Yes! It was silly putty! And he used it to plug up the canon!

"QUICK! ZELDA! NAVI!" he shouted. "WE NEED TO WEAKEN HIM!" He then pulled out a set of drums from . . . somewhere. "GET MY DRIFT?"

"YES!" shouted Navi, pulling out a trumpet. Zelda nodded and pulled out an electric guitar.

"ON THREE! ONE, TWO, THREE!"

Zelda began to jam a guitar solo on guitar, and Link played the drums. Navi began to wait for her cue, and then she belted it.

_It was 20 years ago today  
Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play!  
__They've been goin' in and out of style  
__But they're guaranteed to raise a smile!_

_  
So may I introduce to you!  
__The ACT YOU'VE KNOWN FOR ALL THESE YEARS  
__SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND! YEAH!_

Navi then began to play a trumpet solo, while the whole Russian army clapped. She flew up to Lenin's ears and blew in them, causing the army to laugh. Soon, it was Zelda's and Link's turn to sing.

_We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band  
We hope you will enjoy the show!  
__Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band!  
__Sit back and let the evening go!_

_Sgt. Pepper's Lonely  
__Sgt. Pepper's Lonely  
__Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band!_

_It's wonderful to be here  
__It's certainly a thrill  
__You're such a lovely audience  
We'd like to take you home with us  
WE'D LOVE TO TAKE YOU HOME!_

Navi then began to belt it once more.

_I don't really wanna stop the show!  
__But I thought you might like to know  
__That the singer's gonna sing a song!  
__And he wants you all to sing a long!_

_So may I introduce to you!_

She pointed to Link.

_THE ONE AND ONLY BILLY SHEARS!  
__WITH SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAAAND!_

Zelda and Navi then pointed to Link, who stood looking proudly.

_BIIII-LYYYYYY SHEEEEAAAARS!_

Link cleared his throat and began to sing. Navi trumpet was replaced by a tiny bass guitar.

_What would you think if I sang out of tune?  
__Would you stand up and walk out on me?  
__Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song  
And I'll try not to sing out of key!_

_Ooh, I get by with a little help from my friends  
__Mmm, get high with a little help from my friends  
__Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends_

Apparently, Link's solo had done the trick, as the glass shield covering Lenin began to crack, letting in more of Link's melodious voice, and driving Lenin more insane.

_What do I do when my love is away? (Does it worry you to be alone?)  
__How do I feel at the end of the day? (Are you sad because you're on your own?)_

_  
NO! I get by with a little help from my friends  
__Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends  
__Mmm, get high with a little help from my friends_

_(Do you need anybody?) I just need someone to love.  
__(Could it be anybody?) I want somebody to love._

And then, the whole Russian army joined in, showing the values of peace, love, and Beatlemania.

_WOULD YOU BELIEVE IN A LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?  
__YES I'M CERTAIN THAT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!  
__WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU TURN OUT THE LIGHTS?  
__I CAN'T TELL YOU BUT I KNOW IT'S MINE!_

Apparently, Lenin's machine couldn't take the stress anymore, and thus, exploded. Lenin rocketed into the air, landing in front of Zelda, who played her guitar loudly in his ear.

"ZELDA!" shouted Navi! "NOW!"

Zelda nodded and put her guitar on her back, then pulled out the Shiny Carrot. She held it up to Lenin's face, who's eyes grew wide.

"NO!" shouted Lenin, freaking out.

"Yes!" shouted Zelda, pushing the carrot into his mouth.

A bright flash of orange exploded in the air, and when the light faded, there was no more Lenin.

"YAY!" shouted everyone.

"That's it!" shouted Zelda! "The llamas are gone! The world is saved!"

* * *

"Wow! What an adventure!" said Navi as Zelda pumped up the hot air balloon.

"I'll say!" said Link, looking over the railing as they began to float higher and higher. "And we all got something out of this!"

"Like what, Link?" asked Navi.

"Well, I learned to get over my cowardice, Navi learned the importance of patience, and Zelda . . . uh . . ."

"Yes?" asked Zelda, bracing herself for something stupid that Link might say.

"Zelda . . . learned how to play a mean guitar!"

"Uh . . . yeah!" said Navi. "That's right! She did play a mean guitar!"

Zelda giggled and pulled out her shiny pink Fender Stratocaster. "C'mon! We need to celebrate! Ready Link?"

Link grew his bongos. "READY! 1 2 3 4!"

Link then began to play a drum solo for a little while, and then Zelda played the guitar. After a while, the three began to sing to the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band (Reprise)!

_We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band!  
__We hope you have enjoyed the show!  
__Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band  
__We're sorry but it's time to go!_

_Sgt. Pepper's Lonely  
__Sgt. Pepper's Lonely  
__Sgt. Pepper's Lonely  
__Sgt. Pepper's Lonely_

_Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band!  
__We'd like to thank you once again!  
__Sgt. Pepper's one and only Lonely Hearts Club Band!  
__It's getting very near the end!_

_  
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely  
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely  
__Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts . . .  
__CLUUUUUUUB  
BAAAAAND!_

Zelda played a guitar solo, and then they ended!

"WOOHOOO!"

**_The End_**

* * *

Well. That's it. Thank you all for have Reviewed, especially bionicleguy, for Reviewing every chapter. And also to Iyou, who made my Review count go way up!

I wish you all a happy life, and thank you for reading!

Triforce90


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